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yui_miyamotofandom: Initial D
title: Invincible.
pairing: Ryousuke + Takumi
rating: pg-13 (we hope for now)
description: Ryousuke suddenly appears at Takumi ‘s house to ask him a favor, but is there something underlying his request? (Note: Shounen-ai)
Disclaimer – This obsessed Initial D fan doesn’t own this manga, anime, or video game.
Invincible.
By Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 14 – Let myself go.
My name…You finally called me by name.
There you go again.
Like these waves, you encourage me to keep coming and then you pull me in.
Now, I’ve finally reached the bottom of your ocean and all my submerged fears rise until I’m forgetting what it means to breathe. Each truth keeps me from returning to the surface.
All the while, I hate myself for wanting to be entangled.
“I’m tired of playing your games.” I mindlessly watched the ocean as it soaked the cuffs of my pants. “You always put up another challenge for me to conquer. But what am I supposed to take with me?”
My fear finally came out through my lips. “There will be a time you won’t be there. In the end, I can’t win you, Ryousuke-san.”
Driving is all I have.
There is nothing else for me. It encapsules all of who I am. If I give that to you, I’ll have nothing left.
I won’t have you and not even my self.
I looked up to the dark sky so that I wouldn’t cry. “Instead of pursuing me, you should get her back. I’m sure Kaori is waiting for you.”
My whole being turned deathly numb. “It’s okay to let me go, Ryousuke-san.”
Slowly, his hold on my arms lessened until even the warmth of his fingers dissipated. I took a few steps into the water until it reached my knees, and compared the night sky to what I had seen with him before.
“I can’t.” His voice was very low.
I turned around to see that desperate expression once more. His distressed eyes spoke for themselves. All the life in his voice just a moment earlier and the rest of his body had evaporated.
He was frozen in place.
“Why?”
“She’s dead.”
Everything inside me was breaking down. I’m trying to hold on, but…
My heartless words…
“I bought that apartment so that we could live together. When I was going to call her, she called me first to say sorry. And then…” He clenched his fists and tried to take a breath of air. “When they were going to write about it in the news, my father bribed them to keep my name out of it. He gave money to both of their families as part of my penance too. I don’t know if they took it though.
“Her father almost killed me and loathes me to this day. So that’s how my parents coerced me into a contract to take over the clinic. I set myself up for this ‘perfect future’.”
I took a step closer.
“As they buried her, I could only watch from afar. On that day, I finally realized what an empty person I was until I’d met Kaori. All my life, I’d done everything so that I didn’t have any confrontations. I was so accommodating to everyone. I really despised myself for all of it.
“Keisuke knows I fulfilled all my obligations outside of our house, but in it, I didn’t eat at all and would lock myself in my room. I had no desire for anything.
“The light inside me was fading away. I allowed my apathy to eat my soul.”
Taking a few steps closer, I held my arms out to him.
“Keisuke witnessed firsthand how I abused myself. All my awkwardness and weaknesses came to haunt me and tear me apart.” He laughed mockingly at himself. “I couldn’t show myself at the hospital because of the scars on my left wrist. Worse, I stole some of the drugs to overdose. When I’d finally lost it, I locked myself in my room so that I could hang myself.”
My hands wrapped over his neck and pulled him towards me, hugging him with all my might.
“He broke my door and punched me back into consciousness. To remember how much I loved him. ’Even if you don’t give a fuck about yourself, there are people who look up to you. Especially me, Aniki!’ That unhappiness I gave him is imprinted in my head, you know?”
His whole body was shaking as he embraced me back. “The next day, Tsugumi started staying in our house. She didn’t tell anyone what was going on with me, and reassured Keisuke that whenever he couldn’t avoid a battle, I wouldn’t try anything crazy. Imagine, a kid having that kind of responsibility for her teenage cousin?
“I’m not like the people who can live their life in a fishbowl being watched all the time. I would go crazy.
“I kept on searching for some kind of refuge. I really wasn’t good at first, but I tried and tried to make it work. Racing became my only refuge. However, I made it stand for everything in place of all I lacked as a human. It became the symbol of my confidence: Technique cannot be bought.
“That’s why being the White Comet was a double-edged sword. The higher I got, the more isolated I felt from myself.”
Ryousuke let go of me and held my cheeks. I looked deeply into those half-opened lids and the tears going down his cheeks.
“And then, when you beat me, I found a small piece of happiness.
“You didn’t know me so you didn’t expect anything from me. Most of all, you treated me for who I was to you and not because you wanted something from me.
“Watching you in our battle, it was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen in my entire life. You raced so differently from me. So freely. That’s why I could finally be myself and race the way I’d always wanted to. Again, I could see the future in front of me and perform to my best potential.
“Whenever I went to the hospital after that, I would think about you. Whenever I wanted to yell or give up, I’d remember there was a person like you that existed in this world. I had to find a way that we could meet again.
“Yes, you were right that I was obsessed over the driver of the ’86. But as time progressed, watching your growth, I learned the one thing I never did for Kaori even though I loved her so much: To give all of myself.”
Ryousuke smiled at me as he took his hands away from my cheeks. He put his hands over my waist and lifted me into the air, wrapping his arms over my lower back.
“Whoa!”
He pressed his body against mine and glanced upwards. My pants dripped onto his clothing, but he didn’t care. I looked down with my fingers touching his shoulders.
So Keisuke knew from the beginning it was all my fault…
That Tsugumi was more than delighted to finally meet me…
Why he wasn’t ever reluctant with anything when it came to me…
“I chose you not for the team, but for myself, Takumi. So I’ll never give you up to anything or anyone.”
I was always near you, and yet, I still...
Slipping my fingers from his shoulders, I touched his ears. Then, I bent over to kiss the top of his head.
Tsuzuku…/To be continued…
--
Author’s note: Yay! I’d had this dialogue in my draft for weeks. I just couldn’t place where it should take place and I worried to death if I had gone too far out there. But as I kept going, even while typing, it made sense to me.
I know it’s short, but I think this is my favorite chapter so far. After years and years, I could finally write the Takumi, Ryousuke, and Keisuke in the scenarios I’ve held in my head.
Thank you for your patience with my long fic!
Love always,
Yui
7/25/2016 12:25 AM – Los Angeles
7/25/2016 4:25 PM - Tokyo
title: Invincible.
pairing: Ryousuke + Takumi
rating: pg-13 (we hope for now)
description: Ryousuke suddenly appears at Takumi ‘s house to ask him a favor, but is there something underlying his request? (Note: Shounen-ai)
Disclaimer – This obsessed Initial D fan doesn’t own this manga, anime, or video game.
Invincible.
By Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 14 – Let myself go.
My name…You finally called me by name.
There you go again.
Like these waves, you encourage me to keep coming and then you pull me in.
Now, I’ve finally reached the bottom of your ocean and all my submerged fears rise until I’m forgetting what it means to breathe. Each truth keeps me from returning to the surface.
All the while, I hate myself for wanting to be entangled.
“I’m tired of playing your games.” I mindlessly watched the ocean as it soaked the cuffs of my pants. “You always put up another challenge for me to conquer. But what am I supposed to take with me?”
My fear finally came out through my lips. “There will be a time you won’t be there. In the end, I can’t win you, Ryousuke-san.”
Driving is all I have.
There is nothing else for me. It encapsules all of who I am. If I give that to you, I’ll have nothing left.
I won’t have you and not even my self.
I looked up to the dark sky so that I wouldn’t cry. “Instead of pursuing me, you should get her back. I’m sure Kaori is waiting for you.”
My whole being turned deathly numb. “It’s okay to let me go, Ryousuke-san.”
Slowly, his hold on my arms lessened until even the warmth of his fingers dissipated. I took a few steps into the water until it reached my knees, and compared the night sky to what I had seen with him before.
“I can’t.” His voice was very low.
I turned around to see that desperate expression once more. His distressed eyes spoke for themselves. All the life in his voice just a moment earlier and the rest of his body had evaporated.
He was frozen in place.
“Why?”
“She’s dead.”
Everything inside me was breaking down. I’m trying to hold on, but…
My heartless words…
“I bought that apartment so that we could live together. When I was going to call her, she called me first to say sorry. And then…” He clenched his fists and tried to take a breath of air. “When they were going to write about it in the news, my father bribed them to keep my name out of it. He gave money to both of their families as part of my penance too. I don’t know if they took it though.
“Her father almost killed me and loathes me to this day. So that’s how my parents coerced me into a contract to take over the clinic. I set myself up for this ‘perfect future’.”
I took a step closer.
“As they buried her, I could only watch from afar. On that day, I finally realized what an empty person I was until I’d met Kaori. All my life, I’d done everything so that I didn’t have any confrontations. I was so accommodating to everyone. I really despised myself for all of it.
“Keisuke knows I fulfilled all my obligations outside of our house, but in it, I didn’t eat at all and would lock myself in my room. I had no desire for anything.
“The light inside me was fading away. I allowed my apathy to eat my soul.”
Taking a few steps closer, I held my arms out to him.
“Keisuke witnessed firsthand how I abused myself. All my awkwardness and weaknesses came to haunt me and tear me apart.” He laughed mockingly at himself. “I couldn’t show myself at the hospital because of the scars on my left wrist. Worse, I stole some of the drugs to overdose. When I’d finally lost it, I locked myself in my room so that I could hang myself.”
My hands wrapped over his neck and pulled him towards me, hugging him with all my might.
“He broke my door and punched me back into consciousness. To remember how much I loved him. ’Even if you don’t give a fuck about yourself, there are people who look up to you. Especially me, Aniki!’ That unhappiness I gave him is imprinted in my head, you know?”
His whole body was shaking as he embraced me back. “The next day, Tsugumi started staying in our house. She didn’t tell anyone what was going on with me, and reassured Keisuke that whenever he couldn’t avoid a battle, I wouldn’t try anything crazy. Imagine, a kid having that kind of responsibility for her teenage cousin?
“I’m not like the people who can live their life in a fishbowl being watched all the time. I would go crazy.
“I kept on searching for some kind of refuge. I really wasn’t good at first, but I tried and tried to make it work. Racing became my only refuge. However, I made it stand for everything in place of all I lacked as a human. It became the symbol of my confidence: Technique cannot be bought.
“That’s why being the White Comet was a double-edged sword. The higher I got, the more isolated I felt from myself.”
Ryousuke let go of me and held my cheeks. I looked deeply into those half-opened lids and the tears going down his cheeks.
“And then, when you beat me, I found a small piece of happiness.
“You didn’t know me so you didn’t expect anything from me. Most of all, you treated me for who I was to you and not because you wanted something from me.
“Watching you in our battle, it was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen in my entire life. You raced so differently from me. So freely. That’s why I could finally be myself and race the way I’d always wanted to. Again, I could see the future in front of me and perform to my best potential.
“Whenever I went to the hospital after that, I would think about you. Whenever I wanted to yell or give up, I’d remember there was a person like you that existed in this world. I had to find a way that we could meet again.
“Yes, you were right that I was obsessed over the driver of the ’86. But as time progressed, watching your growth, I learned the one thing I never did for Kaori even though I loved her so much: To give all of myself.”
Ryousuke smiled at me as he took his hands away from my cheeks. He put his hands over my waist and lifted me into the air, wrapping his arms over my lower back.
“Whoa!”
He pressed his body against mine and glanced upwards. My pants dripped onto his clothing, but he didn’t care. I looked down with my fingers touching his shoulders.
So Keisuke knew from the beginning it was all my fault…
That Tsugumi was more than delighted to finally meet me…
Why he wasn’t ever reluctant with anything when it came to me…
“I chose you not for the team, but for myself, Takumi. So I’ll never give you up to anything or anyone.”
I was always near you, and yet, I still...
Slipping my fingers from his shoulders, I touched his ears. Then, I bent over to kiss the top of his head.
Tsuzuku…/To be continued…
--
Author’s note: Yay! I’d had this dialogue in my draft for weeks. I just couldn’t place where it should take place and I worried to death if I had gone too far out there. But as I kept going, even while typing, it made sense to me.
I know it’s short, but I think this is my favorite chapter so far. After years and years, I could finally write the Takumi, Ryousuke, and Keisuke in the scenarios I’ve held in my head.
Thank you for your patience with my long fic!
Love always,
Yui
7/25/2016 12:25 AM – Los Angeles
7/25/2016 4:25 PM - Tokyo
