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yui_miyamotofandom: Initial D
title: Invincible.
pairing: Ryousuke x Takumi
rating: pg-13
description: Ryousuke suddenly appears at Takumi ‘s house to ask him a favor, but is there something underlying his request? (Note: Shounen-ai)
Disclaimer – Initial D is the wonderful creation of Shigeno-sensei and I only write this fic out of obsession and love.
Invincible.
By Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 20 – The will to win.
Just what the fuck was talent anyway?! Why was the price for it so high?
Wasn’t ‘ability’ supposed to be attained through hard work and effort? No one told you that you had to sacrifice so much for it!
When she closed her eyes to kiss me with her fingers delicately pushing against my cheeks, Mika’s face still showed me gentleness over the hurt.
Looking into that face, I realized, “Was this what I really wanted? Is this what I worked so hard for? Didn’t I want to be with someone who would let me do as I pleased because they were independent too? That we’d support one another on every accomplishment towards something that would eventually let us be together?”
Why did it mean something entirely different? That it came to losing you or him?
Mika, you have every right to hate me.
My eyes became slits as I watched the road with a vengeance that I could no longer control. There was no one else to blame except me.
So this is what it amounted to? To ‘win him’ was to ‘give her up’?
If that was the case, I was more like Keisuke than I thought…
I couldn’t deviate from the number one priority of my life: Driving. Without a doubt, that included him as well.
The uneasiness felt like someone was crushing my stomach with their bare hands.
I can only imagine how Iwase Kyouko felt when Keisuke rejected her.
Recklessly speeding through and changing lanes, my body acted mechanically, going through the motions. The only difference was that contrary to other times of passivity, my mind became keener to my surroundings, concentrating on the things I normally ignored.
I don’t know why I acted the complete opposite to the usual drivers’ response of rising hostility with losing rationality. For me, the more my anger rose, the sharper my driving skills became.
This was my form of illogicity.
I don’t want to hurt her just because I didn’t know what I wanted. I can’t leave him alone knowing what I actually mean to him.
I…I never wanted to hurt anyone! How’d it come to this?
As I paid the tolls, even for a second, it was hard to be cordial. I didn’t want to talk to anyone so I avoided eye contact all together.
Going home right now was out of the question. There was no way that I could face my dad as I was.
Mom…Dad…
Itsuki…Kenji…Iwatani…
Tsugumi…Mika…
Keisuke…
Ryousuke.
Their faces and words cascaded into one another inside my head. All I could do was hold onto the steering wheel, convincing myself that ripping off the leather would not only be cruel in itself but suicide once my dad found out.
The '86 blowing its engine because of my thoughtlessness…
I know Dad said it wasn’t my fault, but I had contributed to the damage.
I sighed at the fact that I was finally getting used to the Impreza so I didn’t want to harm it. It was part of my mental sanctuary. Maybe someday, it would grow to become my sibling too.
Mr. and Mrs. Takahashi…
My temples started to pound as their words nailed straight into my skin.
So that’s why your parents said what they did. From their perspective, I was a nobody with a high school education who played with you for a year. In their subtlety, they defined my affection for you: Love for sale.
Even if you were the one that offered, I took it. I was the one who made the decision to go along with it. Were they right that I’d sold myself so that you could explain what was going on around me? That I’d mixed up my loyalty towards you as something more?
But I know that’s not true! I’m no good with explanations, but that feeling when after we’d raced on Akina, that’s why I stopped you from leaving too soon…
The saddest thing about this is that even with all my experiences and all our time together spent on Project D, I’m still far behind from being able to describe what I understood automatically through instinct.
I still can’t figure out what I was missing.
Plip. Plop. Plip.
Tiny droplets started to appear on the windshield, sliding into small water streams to one side of the glass.
I knew it a long time ago. From the time we went to Happogara and I raced the Honda Civic with that professional driver named Tachi Tomoyuki.
Without you spelling out how to shatter my glass ceiling, it would nearly be impossible for me to do it alone. I had no strategies. I didn’t know how to really conceptualize an attack until I was in the middle of the battle.
My body began to shake from the wrath that was slowly making me self-destruct.
I was just a chassis with all the data inputted into a perfectly tuned system. You were the engine controlling the heart of everything.
*/*/*/*/*/00000
It was 1:11am when I went up on another side of Akina mountain and passed by Akina Shrine to my left. Turning right, I was heading to the top of the mountain as the rain clattered onto the windows louder and louder.
No one would be practicing in this kind of rain. I would be completely alone.
When I was little, my father used to wake up in the middle of the night just to test his new ideas because he was so excited over it. It was those rare moments where I’d see him with a gleam in his eyes that never appeared during the day.
I was four and a half.
“Of course I’ll be back before delivery time. It’s your turn today.”
Sleepily, I walked out into the hallway, rubbing my eyes as I held onto my small blanket.
He was heading downstairs in his pajamas, kissing mom as reassurance that he’d come back safely.
She nodded her head and smirked. “That guy…”
Looking down at me, she held her hands out to me. I held my arms up to be carried. “Where’s Daddy going?”
“A new race game.”
“I wanna play too.” I yawned as I snuggled into her arms.
“You will.” She patted the skin over my heart. “It’s in your blood.”
I drifted off to sleep before she put me back into my bed.
At the top of Akina, as expected, there were no signs of people anywhere except in the hotels by the lake. Even with the brightest lights and the windshield wipers working as hard as they could, the weather was dreadful.
Perfect.
An imaginary countdown started. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
I floored the pedal and the water splashed into my windshield as if a bucket of water was thrown onto the hood.
Again, I was doing the same thing on Sadamine: My racing instincts tuned my body for the ’86.
“Come on. Work with me, Impreza.”
As we approached the first corner, something strange happened as my tires slid in the rain. I could “see” my father’s lines. Going down, right to left and another corner, that glint of light came again.
Was I imagining it all? But I could feel it running through my heart.
In this impossible rain, the '86 was in front of me. Like in a prism, hints of colors were appearing lightly. I was racing that crazy father of mine down Akina.
Curving left, right, left…sometimes our lines would merge and sometimes they wouldn’t.
Why didn’t we race the same?
I could feel him taunting me, smiling enigmatically and reaching for his cigarettes for fun. “Think you can pass me? You’re too green, Takumi. Too clean.”
The coldness of the rain meant nothing as the rush of the pressure of chasing him injected itself into my veins. Making a full right, my hands wanted to turn at the speed he’d have taken.
It won’t count as a win if I don’t go ahead, if it’s not at the corner.
But the ’86 doesn’t fall for its own strengths. On the straightaway, it’s confidently pulling away.
My body knows all the timing for the ‘86. The only way is to use the Impreza’s power.
There’s a sinking feeling inside of me.
Should I do that? Does that count as a win?
Turning left and then right, I knew that I was almost at the hairpins. The same place where I lost to him when he drove this car.
Even in my mind, I can’t beat him! He has more experience than me. My dad’s perfected his technique and until now, he’s still thinking about how to improve it.
That’s right. I only know how to see the fastest line. I didn’t allow myself to try the other lines. Or play the mind games that came along with it.
I didn’t know how to approach them at all.
Maybe that’s why I thought he was crazy.
My father would do anything.
I wasn’t like that.
As I approached my favorite part of the course, the driver wasn’t my father anymore. The ’86 is out of sight. On the hairpins, it’s the yellow FD turning ahead of me.
My first official and accidental battle is repeating again. As I am now, I see the immaturity behind my wheel back then. I was confident about knowing the road. All for gasoline.
The same thing happens again with Keisuke.
I can see his line. The old Keisuke’s attitude and the new one that wouldn’t make such a careless mistake. The weakness that Ryousuke secretly massacred in his notes again and again.
Passing the old Keisuke and reaching the end of the hairpins, things were as they had always been: Ryousuke orchestrating this whole program from behind.
The white FC pushes ahead of me. The pressure had already killed me enough for him to pass me earlier. It’s exactly like this very moment. I can’t control my emotions anymore.
It wasn’t a miracle as everyone said it was. I wasn’t faster as he’d told me. It’s not the fluke I made it out to be.
It was my desperation.
We turned right into the part of the road where the narrow road became wide and one of the lanes chooses the winner.
I always pretended that I didn’t care, but I did.
I wanted to be someone stronger. Someone who could make decisions and act on them without thinking twice.
So when I found out that driving could be it, that I could find something special about myself, I really wanted to find out.
On the outside, I passed the imaginary FC that’s tightly shutting the inside line at the last curve. This time, I look to my right to see nothing but rain.
He isn’t there at all.
At the bottom, I turn left into the darkened part of the parking lot. Turning off the engine, I cover my face as I leaned onto the steering wheel. I couldn’t even face my reflection in the mirrors.
I'm scared that when I get to the circuit, they'll find out I’m not as talented as they thought. They will find out that I really don’t know what they’re talking about.
And then I’ll have nothing.
The strength and the small confidence I had treasured will again disappear.
I breathed heavily as my eyes were burning, ready to cry.
When you told me your story, I didn’t struggle as much as you did, Ryousuke. It was inside of me, but you had to earn it and keep it there. That’s why you’ll think of everything to win. You will do anything for it.
That’s the difference between Keisuke and me. I had the patience but he had the will.
Together, that was truly invincibility.
Now I knew why I loved him so much.
They kept on telling me that I knew how to drive well, but I didn’t know any of the reasoning behind it.
I owed Ryousuke not only for my new skills or how to logically tell about them.
As I shut my eyes tighter and the tears squeezed themselves out, I fully understood what he was handing me.
You gave me not only your dream, but the future you’d wanted with it. Because you were taking over the hospital, Keisuke and I were to go in your place.
He’d been trying to convince himself he didn’t want it, but there must have been a small part of him that wanted to see a life that wasn’t pre-made for him.
Keisuke would have fought…
I wasn’t sure about myself.
How far had he really thought of everything?
As the rain poured outside, my voice begged in despair, “Where are you ’86?”
My brother wasn’t even here for me to cry to.
We had won all the races, but somewhere along the way, while they waited for us to be defeated, we had already lost, hadn’t we?
It was because of me. Until the end, you had done your best for our team.
Now I know why Ryousuke wanted me to go to Hakone.
It wasn’t because you wanted me to surpass your theory at all. It was for me to gain the one thing I hadn’t learned:
The will to win.
*/*/*/*/*/00000
It was comfortable and warm.
The air around me was mixed with scents of jasmine, roses, and lavender. Not overpowering, but soft with the light wind that caressed my skin.
Tenderly and quietly, someone was running their fingertips through my hair.
I felt like a little kid again when I tired myself out and slept in the den only to have my mom lie me on her lap. A smile crept onto my face at the thought. I didn’t open my eyes even though the light was blinding.
Fingernails lightly grazed against my scalp and it made my head tingle. Heavenly.
“You must be so tired.”
This was a woman’s voice.
“Just a little,” I answered back.
“I’m sorry I left you with such a hard job.”
“You did?”
“Yes, I did.” She laughed a bit. “But don’t think too much about it. It seems he questioned you the same way I did to him.”
I opened my eyes to see the girl in the sketches, but for some reason, I wasn’t shocked.
She continued to touch my hair as my head rested on her lap.
“You’re Kaori, aren’t you?”
With a wide smile, she nodded her head. I was caught in between her enchanting gaze.
“My dream went to him. And now it will go to you.”
I just stared up at her peacefully and listened.
“A dream isn’t a goal. It’s like a miracle, only, you have some control over the outcome. In yours and his terms, it means to find the ultimate line.”
“I…”
“Don’t worry. It will be okay.”
Kaori…
When I opened my eyes, I saw Ryousuke above me. We were in the back of the Impreza.
“Ryousuke?”
I took a deep breath and looked around, disoriented.
“Takumi. I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Why are you here?” I blinked my eyes and realized I was lying on his lap. His left hand was over my chest as the right one rested on my head. They were so hot I thought they’d melt into my skin.
“I was asking your father permission to modify and tune the Impreza for our race. I was also checking certain things on Akina in relation to how you’ve handled it so far, but I didn’t expect you to be here.”
Me neither.
I put my hands over my face. “You even think about that.”
You are always thinking about me. I'm so pathetic that I can’t do anything for myself beyond the basics.
Was I really a professional with a signed contract?
“About what?”
“About everything. I’m not good at thinking far ahead like you.”
No sleep, his parents, Mika…
Much to my dismay, a tear slipped from one side of my face. Then another one fell.
“Just how many sacrifices did you have to make to get where you are now, Ryousuke-san?”
My pride just couldn’t accept it.
Of all people, I don’t want you to see me like this.
He took a hold of my hands and I protested to keep them in place. But he pulled them away and looked down at me. Still holding my arms over my head, his palms seared into my cool ones.
“Beautiful.”
My eyes averted themselves away from his face, seeing the dirt and grease stains on his shirt.
He must have been modifying his FC again, but did he always do that himself?
Finally, he let go of me and I sat up, blocking half of my face in shame. Slowly, my eyes turned again to meet his. Tilting his head to one side, he continues to watch me attentively.
He looks tired. He’s not the rigid person he presents himself to be. Behind his mask of composure, there is someone who sees others clearly but is himself misunderstood.
As the rain was falling down loudly into the darkness, he reached out for me. Ryousuke pulled me close to kiss my neck and then my ear. He eyed me again and pushed me down onto the seat.
I now know for sure you can see right through to my soul.
I weakly held onto his arms as his knees touched my hips. Leaning down, he kissed me on the lips. Hungrily, yet trying to hold himself back.
This is completely different from when he gave me the bag.
Even though it still felt a little raw, he also kissed the part of my jaw that Keisuke had punched. I gasped as he went back to my neck, pushing up my shirt up to my collarbone. Then his lips started to make a trail going down over my chest while unbuttoning his shirt with his right hand, pushing his left arm into the leather seat.
At this, he sucks and licks the area over my ribs even harder as my back arched up and my head jerked in response.
His pants pushed against mine and I became harder. The more his skin touched mine, my mind swam further from itself.
I don’t know what is happening anymore.
All I could do was call out his name as I lost myself inside this feeling of confusion, desire, and security.
“Ryou…”
And even more, he’d hold me tighter against him.
Whomever is listening,
give me the will to win him.
Tsuzuku…/To be continued…
--
Author’s note: It wasn’t until this chapter that I truly understood Takumi. Questions always bubbled right at the core of why I liked him so much. At the same time, he seemed so elusive because while looking disengaged, he had that core for mountain racing, which I found quite fascinating.
On the other hand, it was excruciating to write this because at certain intervals, I just had to stop crying. Takumi is one of my favorite male characters of all time (next to Subaru and Seishirou from Tokyo Babylon, Ryuichi in Gravitation, Kyouya of Ouran, and Asami in Viewfinder). To watch him here in pain is not easy for me. It is not something we see much of in Initial D with the exception of the whole Natsuki incident leading to the 86’s engine blowing up.
To be perfectly honest, Ryousuke’s character is easier for me to comprehend, even Keisuke’s spurts of sarcastic cuteness. (I giggle every single time.)
In another direction, somehow, I always wanted a race with Bunta. I don’t think he’d actually take it seriously with Takumi as he is now, but I really wanted a scene on Akina since that is the heart of how this all this happened. It is a peaceful place and fun to go downhill.
I miss those days.
I hope you enjoyed this!
Love,
Yui
8/17/2016 2:02 PM – Los Angeles
8/18/2016 6:02 AM - Tokyo
title: Invincible.
pairing: Ryousuke x Takumi
rating: pg-13
description: Ryousuke suddenly appears at Takumi ‘s house to ask him a favor, but is there something underlying his request? (Note: Shounen-ai)
Disclaimer – Initial D is the wonderful creation of Shigeno-sensei and I only write this fic out of obsession and love.
Invincible.
By Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 20 – The will to win.
Just what the fuck was talent anyway?! Why was the price for it so high?
Wasn’t ‘ability’ supposed to be attained through hard work and effort? No one told you that you had to sacrifice so much for it!
When she closed her eyes to kiss me with her fingers delicately pushing against my cheeks, Mika’s face still showed me gentleness over the hurt.
Looking into that face, I realized, “Was this what I really wanted? Is this what I worked so hard for? Didn’t I want to be with someone who would let me do as I pleased because they were independent too? That we’d support one another on every accomplishment towards something that would eventually let us be together?”
Why did it mean something entirely different? That it came to losing you or him?
Mika, you have every right to hate me.
My eyes became slits as I watched the road with a vengeance that I could no longer control. There was no one else to blame except me.
So this is what it amounted to? To ‘win him’ was to ‘give her up’?
If that was the case, I was more like Keisuke than I thought…
I couldn’t deviate from the number one priority of my life: Driving. Without a doubt, that included him as well.
The uneasiness felt like someone was crushing my stomach with their bare hands.
I can only imagine how Iwase Kyouko felt when Keisuke rejected her.
Recklessly speeding through and changing lanes, my body acted mechanically, going through the motions. The only difference was that contrary to other times of passivity, my mind became keener to my surroundings, concentrating on the things I normally ignored.
I don’t know why I acted the complete opposite to the usual drivers’ response of rising hostility with losing rationality. For me, the more my anger rose, the sharper my driving skills became.
This was my form of illogicity.
I don’t want to hurt her just because I didn’t know what I wanted. I can’t leave him alone knowing what I actually mean to him.
I…I never wanted to hurt anyone! How’d it come to this?
As I paid the tolls, even for a second, it was hard to be cordial. I didn’t want to talk to anyone so I avoided eye contact all together.
Going home right now was out of the question. There was no way that I could face my dad as I was.
Mom…Dad…
Itsuki…Kenji…Iwatani…
Tsugumi…Mika…
Keisuke…
Ryousuke.
Their faces and words cascaded into one another inside my head. All I could do was hold onto the steering wheel, convincing myself that ripping off the leather would not only be cruel in itself but suicide once my dad found out.
The '86 blowing its engine because of my thoughtlessness…
I know Dad said it wasn’t my fault, but I had contributed to the damage.
I sighed at the fact that I was finally getting used to the Impreza so I didn’t want to harm it. It was part of my mental sanctuary. Maybe someday, it would grow to become my sibling too.
Mr. and Mrs. Takahashi…
My temples started to pound as their words nailed straight into my skin.
So that’s why your parents said what they did. From their perspective, I was a nobody with a high school education who played with you for a year. In their subtlety, they defined my affection for you: Love for sale.
Even if you were the one that offered, I took it. I was the one who made the decision to go along with it. Were they right that I’d sold myself so that you could explain what was going on around me? That I’d mixed up my loyalty towards you as something more?
But I know that’s not true! I’m no good with explanations, but that feeling when after we’d raced on Akina, that’s why I stopped you from leaving too soon…
The saddest thing about this is that even with all my experiences and all our time together spent on Project D, I’m still far behind from being able to describe what I understood automatically through instinct.
I still can’t figure out what I was missing.
Plip. Plop. Plip.
Tiny droplets started to appear on the windshield, sliding into small water streams to one side of the glass.
I knew it a long time ago. From the time we went to Happogara and I raced the Honda Civic with that professional driver named Tachi Tomoyuki.
Without you spelling out how to shatter my glass ceiling, it would nearly be impossible for me to do it alone. I had no strategies. I didn’t know how to really conceptualize an attack until I was in the middle of the battle.
My body began to shake from the wrath that was slowly making me self-destruct.
I was just a chassis with all the data inputted into a perfectly tuned system. You were the engine controlling the heart of everything.
*/*/*/*/*/00000
It was 1:11am when I went up on another side of Akina mountain and passed by Akina Shrine to my left. Turning right, I was heading to the top of the mountain as the rain clattered onto the windows louder and louder.
No one would be practicing in this kind of rain. I would be completely alone.
When I was little, my father used to wake up in the middle of the night just to test his new ideas because he was so excited over it. It was those rare moments where I’d see him with a gleam in his eyes that never appeared during the day.
I was four and a half.
“Of course I’ll be back before delivery time. It’s your turn today.”
Sleepily, I walked out into the hallway, rubbing my eyes as I held onto my small blanket.
He was heading downstairs in his pajamas, kissing mom as reassurance that he’d come back safely.
She nodded her head and smirked. “That guy…”
Looking down at me, she held her hands out to me. I held my arms up to be carried. “Where’s Daddy going?”
“A new race game.”
“I wanna play too.” I yawned as I snuggled into her arms.
“You will.” She patted the skin over my heart. “It’s in your blood.”
I drifted off to sleep before she put me back into my bed.
At the top of Akina, as expected, there were no signs of people anywhere except in the hotels by the lake. Even with the brightest lights and the windshield wipers working as hard as they could, the weather was dreadful.
Perfect.
An imaginary countdown started. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
I floored the pedal and the water splashed into my windshield as if a bucket of water was thrown onto the hood.
Again, I was doing the same thing on Sadamine: My racing instincts tuned my body for the ’86.
“Come on. Work with me, Impreza.”
As we approached the first corner, something strange happened as my tires slid in the rain. I could “see” my father’s lines. Going down, right to left and another corner, that glint of light came again.
Was I imagining it all? But I could feel it running through my heart.
In this impossible rain, the '86 was in front of me. Like in a prism, hints of colors were appearing lightly. I was racing that crazy father of mine down Akina.
Curving left, right, left…sometimes our lines would merge and sometimes they wouldn’t.
Why didn’t we race the same?
I could feel him taunting me, smiling enigmatically and reaching for his cigarettes for fun. “Think you can pass me? You’re too green, Takumi. Too clean.”
The coldness of the rain meant nothing as the rush of the pressure of chasing him injected itself into my veins. Making a full right, my hands wanted to turn at the speed he’d have taken.
It won’t count as a win if I don’t go ahead, if it’s not at the corner.
But the ’86 doesn’t fall for its own strengths. On the straightaway, it’s confidently pulling away.
My body knows all the timing for the ‘86. The only way is to use the Impreza’s power.
There’s a sinking feeling inside of me.
Should I do that? Does that count as a win?
Turning left and then right, I knew that I was almost at the hairpins. The same place where I lost to him when he drove this car.
Even in my mind, I can’t beat him! He has more experience than me. My dad’s perfected his technique and until now, he’s still thinking about how to improve it.
That’s right. I only know how to see the fastest line. I didn’t allow myself to try the other lines. Or play the mind games that came along with it.
I didn’t know how to approach them at all.
Maybe that’s why I thought he was crazy.
My father would do anything.
I wasn’t like that.
As I approached my favorite part of the course, the driver wasn’t my father anymore. The ’86 is out of sight. On the hairpins, it’s the yellow FD turning ahead of me.
My first official and accidental battle is repeating again. As I am now, I see the immaturity behind my wheel back then. I was confident about knowing the road. All for gasoline.
The same thing happens again with Keisuke.
I can see his line. The old Keisuke’s attitude and the new one that wouldn’t make such a careless mistake. The weakness that Ryousuke secretly massacred in his notes again and again.
Passing the old Keisuke and reaching the end of the hairpins, things were as they had always been: Ryousuke orchestrating this whole program from behind.
The white FC pushes ahead of me. The pressure had already killed me enough for him to pass me earlier. It’s exactly like this very moment. I can’t control my emotions anymore.
It wasn’t a miracle as everyone said it was. I wasn’t faster as he’d told me. It’s not the fluke I made it out to be.
It was my desperation.
We turned right into the part of the road where the narrow road became wide and one of the lanes chooses the winner.
I always pretended that I didn’t care, but I did.
I wanted to be someone stronger. Someone who could make decisions and act on them without thinking twice.
So when I found out that driving could be it, that I could find something special about myself, I really wanted to find out.
On the outside, I passed the imaginary FC that’s tightly shutting the inside line at the last curve. This time, I look to my right to see nothing but rain.
He isn’t there at all.
At the bottom, I turn left into the darkened part of the parking lot. Turning off the engine, I cover my face as I leaned onto the steering wheel. I couldn’t even face my reflection in the mirrors.
I'm scared that when I get to the circuit, they'll find out I’m not as talented as they thought. They will find out that I really don’t know what they’re talking about.
And then I’ll have nothing.
The strength and the small confidence I had treasured will again disappear.
I breathed heavily as my eyes were burning, ready to cry.
When you told me your story, I didn’t struggle as much as you did, Ryousuke. It was inside of me, but you had to earn it and keep it there. That’s why you’ll think of everything to win. You will do anything for it.
That’s the difference between Keisuke and me. I had the patience but he had the will.
Together, that was truly invincibility.
Now I knew why I loved him so much.
They kept on telling me that I knew how to drive well, but I didn’t know any of the reasoning behind it.
I owed Ryousuke not only for my new skills or how to logically tell about them.
As I shut my eyes tighter and the tears squeezed themselves out, I fully understood what he was handing me.
You gave me not only your dream, but the future you’d wanted with it. Because you were taking over the hospital, Keisuke and I were to go in your place.
He’d been trying to convince himself he didn’t want it, but there must have been a small part of him that wanted to see a life that wasn’t pre-made for him.
Keisuke would have fought…
I wasn’t sure about myself.
How far had he really thought of everything?
As the rain poured outside, my voice begged in despair, “Where are you ’86?”
My brother wasn’t even here for me to cry to.
We had won all the races, but somewhere along the way, while they waited for us to be defeated, we had already lost, hadn’t we?
It was because of me. Until the end, you had done your best for our team.
Now I know why Ryousuke wanted me to go to Hakone.
It wasn’t because you wanted me to surpass your theory at all. It was for me to gain the one thing I hadn’t learned:
The will to win.
*/*/*/*/*/00000
It was comfortable and warm.
The air around me was mixed with scents of jasmine, roses, and lavender. Not overpowering, but soft with the light wind that caressed my skin.
Tenderly and quietly, someone was running their fingertips through my hair.
I felt like a little kid again when I tired myself out and slept in the den only to have my mom lie me on her lap. A smile crept onto my face at the thought. I didn’t open my eyes even though the light was blinding.
Fingernails lightly grazed against my scalp and it made my head tingle. Heavenly.
“You must be so tired.”
This was a woman’s voice.
“Just a little,” I answered back.
“I’m sorry I left you with such a hard job.”
“You did?”
“Yes, I did.” She laughed a bit. “But don’t think too much about it. It seems he questioned you the same way I did to him.”
I opened my eyes to see the girl in the sketches, but for some reason, I wasn’t shocked.
She continued to touch my hair as my head rested on her lap.
“You’re Kaori, aren’t you?”
With a wide smile, she nodded her head. I was caught in between her enchanting gaze.
“My dream went to him. And now it will go to you.”
I just stared up at her peacefully and listened.
“A dream isn’t a goal. It’s like a miracle, only, you have some control over the outcome. In yours and his terms, it means to find the ultimate line.”
“I…”
“Don’t worry. It will be okay.”
Kaori…
When I opened my eyes, I saw Ryousuke above me. We were in the back of the Impreza.
“Ryousuke?”
I took a deep breath and looked around, disoriented.
“Takumi. I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Why are you here?” I blinked my eyes and realized I was lying on his lap. His left hand was over my chest as the right one rested on my head. They were so hot I thought they’d melt into my skin.
“I was asking your father permission to modify and tune the Impreza for our race. I was also checking certain things on Akina in relation to how you’ve handled it so far, but I didn’t expect you to be here.”
Me neither.
I put my hands over my face. “You even think about that.”
You are always thinking about me. I'm so pathetic that I can’t do anything for myself beyond the basics.
Was I really a professional with a signed contract?
“About what?”
“About everything. I’m not good at thinking far ahead like you.”
No sleep, his parents, Mika…
Much to my dismay, a tear slipped from one side of my face. Then another one fell.
“Just how many sacrifices did you have to make to get where you are now, Ryousuke-san?”
My pride just couldn’t accept it.
Of all people, I don’t want you to see me like this.
He took a hold of my hands and I protested to keep them in place. But he pulled them away and looked down at me. Still holding my arms over my head, his palms seared into my cool ones.
“Beautiful.”
My eyes averted themselves away from his face, seeing the dirt and grease stains on his shirt.
He must have been modifying his FC again, but did he always do that himself?
Finally, he let go of me and I sat up, blocking half of my face in shame. Slowly, my eyes turned again to meet his. Tilting his head to one side, he continues to watch me attentively.
He looks tired. He’s not the rigid person he presents himself to be. Behind his mask of composure, there is someone who sees others clearly but is himself misunderstood.
As the rain was falling down loudly into the darkness, he reached out for me. Ryousuke pulled me close to kiss my neck and then my ear. He eyed me again and pushed me down onto the seat.
I now know for sure you can see right through to my soul.
I weakly held onto his arms as his knees touched my hips. Leaning down, he kissed me on the lips. Hungrily, yet trying to hold himself back.
This is completely different from when he gave me the bag.
Even though it still felt a little raw, he also kissed the part of my jaw that Keisuke had punched. I gasped as he went back to my neck, pushing up my shirt up to my collarbone. Then his lips started to make a trail going down over my chest while unbuttoning his shirt with his right hand, pushing his left arm into the leather seat.
At this, he sucks and licks the area over my ribs even harder as my back arched up and my head jerked in response.
His pants pushed against mine and I became harder. The more his skin touched mine, my mind swam further from itself.
I don’t know what is happening anymore.
All I could do was call out his name as I lost myself inside this feeling of confusion, desire, and security.
“Ryou…”
And even more, he’d hold me tighter against him.
Whomever is listening,
give me the will to win him.
Tsuzuku…/To be continued…
--
Author’s note: It wasn’t until this chapter that I truly understood Takumi. Questions always bubbled right at the core of why I liked him so much. At the same time, he seemed so elusive because while looking disengaged, he had that core for mountain racing, which I found quite fascinating.
On the other hand, it was excruciating to write this because at certain intervals, I just had to stop crying. Takumi is one of my favorite male characters of all time (next to Subaru and Seishirou from Tokyo Babylon, Ryuichi in Gravitation, Kyouya of Ouran, and Asami in Viewfinder). To watch him here in pain is not easy for me. It is not something we see much of in Initial D with the exception of the whole Natsuki incident leading to the 86’s engine blowing up.
To be perfectly honest, Ryousuke’s character is easier for me to comprehend, even Keisuke’s spurts of sarcastic cuteness. (I giggle every single time.)
In another direction, somehow, I always wanted a race with Bunta. I don’t think he’d actually take it seriously with Takumi as he is now, but I really wanted a scene on Akina since that is the heart of how this all this happened. It is a peaceful place and fun to go downhill.
I miss those days.
I hope you enjoyed this!
Love,
Yui
8/17/2016 2:02 PM – Los Angeles
8/18/2016 6:02 AM - Tokyo
