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yui_miyamotofandom: Initial D
title: Invincible.
pairing: Ryousuke x Takumi
rating: pg-13
description: Ryousuke suddenly appears at Takumi ‘s house to ask him a favor, but is there something underlying his request? (Note: Shounen-ai)
Disclaimer – Initial D doesn’t belong to Yui.
Invincible.
By Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 23 – As his equal.
From Mount Myogi until my doorstep, we exchanged no words, but in between the patches of light from the outside, I’d glance at Itsuki’s sleeves, wet and out of season. I hadn’t mentioned why or what, and he'd come prepared anyway.
“Hey Itsuki, could you pick me up from Takasaki station right now?”
“Sure. I’ll be right there.”
That was all I said.
Now, the single thought, even above Mika’s shaky voice and Ryousuke’s muted jealousy swirling in my head, that kept persisting through was, “How will you make this up to Itsuki?”
You’ve been my friend this whole time and I’ve never really thought about what I could do to make you happy. We talk all the time, and I still didn’t get it.
I lifted my hand up. “Thanks.”
He smiled and gave me a thumbs up. “Anytime.”
Even at 2am, he was this upbeat.
Looking up at the window to my room, I remembered when he had thrown pebbles and picked me up then too.
After pushing my key into the lock, I took off my shoes, walked up the stairs, and plopped myself on my bed.
Gradually cracking from the pressure, my brain was too achy and numb to sleep. I ended up staring into the shadows of my room until delivery time.
Even the cold water while washing my face didn’t feel refreshing and I was too afraid to see my reflection.
Without explanations, after handing me the last cup of water for my last run, my dad rested his hand on my head. I thought I had cried enough, but it seemed like a lie. I could feel the burn of some tears on the rims of my eyes as I turned to him.
I’d been doing this for years. Why get sentimental now?
“Your mom would be proud to see this day.”
He took his hand away and pulled a cigarette from his shirt pocket. As I pulled farther and farther away, I saw him light up and lean against the house, looking into my direction.
*/*/*/*/*/00000
I took a short nap before packing up to go towards Hakone and left after picking up the rental car for Dad to use while I was gone.
After stopping in the convenience store at Shibukawa Station, I leaned my back on the driver’s door of the Impreza and checked my phone again. Another missed call from Ryousuke and a voicemail from Keisuke.
I gulped, not really being in the mindset to call either, but dialed Ryousuke’s number anyway.
The world appeared too fuzzy as the sun shined extremely bright. It was dry all around, and even though I had my drink in my bag, I had no desire to open it.
“Good morning, Takumi.”
“Hello.”
“Give me a moment.” Something went clack on the other end of the line. After some metal crackling in the background, he came back. “Thank you.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you until now.”
“It’s all right. I wanted to make sure you made it home safely since I’d said I’d take you.”
“I asked Itsuki.”
“I see.”
“And he showed me something.”
“Such as…?”
“Why didn’t you tell me that Keisuke was racing you too?” My eyes averted themselves away from the glare of the tar.
“Are you angry with me because of that?”
He nailed it and I eluded the question, clenching the plastic bag in my hand.
“So many websites are discussing about it. I thought it was something private.”
Wasn’t it just between you and me? You made it seem that way. So for what purpose did I go through all this turmoil for?
“It is. I wasn’t the one who leaked it out. Otherwise, I’d have announced it directly on the Project D website.”
“But neither of you told me that you were racing one another.”
Why was my blood bubbling? I was much more vexed than I thought.
“I don’t understand why you sound upset.”
“I…” I stammered as I felt my whole body begin to shake from his nonchalant attitude. “Just when I’m one step closer to understanding you, when I think I have something solid, you slip away from me all over again.”
I don’t know if you’re conscious of what you’re doing.
“You know more than you think.”
“But if you don’t tell me, it’s meaningless.”
Why don’t you get it?
“I didn’t know that it would affect you so much.”
“That’s what you always think.”
The skin over my heart never felt so thin.
“Taku-“
“Ryousuke, since the night that you stopped for me, I’ve been aware of you. You were always around me somehow. And when I joined your team, I became more and more conscious of the hold you had over me until I realized that I wanted to be looked on as your peer. I want you to see me eye-to-eye, even if I don’t have all the confidence I should have by now. But you say and do things like this to show me…”
…that you don’t really understand how important you are to me.
Because I accept you for who you are.
I love you so I need you.
“…you’re still planning everything all by yourself. With or without me.”
Click. “Call ended” flashed before I realized I’d hung up on him.
I hear it in your voice. You’re doing everything because you don’t want to lose me, still trying to control what you have no power over.
*/*/*/*/*/00000
The background of mufflers and engines was too noisy with Keisuke shouting, ”Hey, cancel your hotel and stay with me in Mishima! Call me when you’re in.”
Just like his older brother, refusal wasn’t an option. I was lucky that I’d been able to cancel without paying any fees.
Pushing down the trunk, I put my duffel bag over my shoulder and noticed the long stone road, a remnant of the Edo period. Further on, there stood the side entrance of the main shrine of Mishima.
I stepped in front of my car, standing in front of the small metal gate and looking up at the small light green house. It seemed to be the correct address on his email. I reached over the gate to turn the handle.
As instructed, I took the key from the mailbox to let myself in.
After I closed the door behind me, I noticed how bare it was. It was a little dark at the genkan. When I took a few steps, to my right was a bathroom and in front of me was a closed room.
In contrast, when I’d walked up the steps to my left, all the walls were white that the light from the windows seemed blinding. The blue couch with a small coffee table in front of it faced a medium sized digital tv. There was a very nice and clean, yet narrow kitchen with a single pan on the gas stovetop. The fridge was a white one, almost retro in design. In back of me, it appeared to be his bedroom.
Putting my things down on one side of the couch, I called Keisuke.
“I’ll be there in about an hour so make yourself at home.”
Somehow, I’d expected Keisuke to be living in a really high-end apartment overlooking the city, but instead, it was not big or small, just nice and cozy. It was almost like being at home, only without the tatami.
I found myself opening the windows of the living room and kitchen and going back to the couch to lie down. With the warmth of the sun and relaxing breeze coming through, I found myself sleeping until Keisuke came home.
Shortly after, we drove to the front of the station and ate at a steakhouse. Quickly, we ordered, but I didn’t know where to start. There were many things I wanted to know. I wasn’t even sure if he’d answer, but then again, he wasn’t the secretive type.
“Thanks for letting me stay with you.”
“Naw, don’t worry about it.” He reached out and turned my head so that he could look at my cheek.
“Oh, it’s not as bad.” I tried to dismiss it entirely.
Keisuke let go of my chin and began to cut into his meat. “Even if I was mad, I shouldn’t have hit you.”
“After hearing the story from your brother,” I said as I took a bite of some corn, “it seems justified.”
“He finally told you?”
“More or less. Some things are blurry, but I think I have a better idea of everything. He told me about Kaori and how you punched him back into consciousness.”
“Yeah, it was all pretty fucked up. I was having my own issues and everything was breaking down around me so I hate that time all together.” He took a bite of his meat. “He’s not as strong as people think he is. And he doesn’t know how to ask for what he truly wants, no matter how honest he is.”
“I know that very well now.”
“I’m very sure that guy went up to you with that air of his, but you don’t know how worried he was. He didn’t want anyone else as the downhill driver and wouldn’t compromise, insisting it had to be you. I’d never seen him so adamant about anything. He asked me if there was anything I could do and he rarely asked favors from me, so that’s why I went to push you to join.”
I stopped eating. “But he always looked so self-assured.”
“Do you think he’d show anything else besides that? This was the same guy who fought with fourth graders when he was in the third grade. Someone had pushed me. I know the kid said something about how our family always showed off. I didn’t understand it at the time, but my brother saw us across the yard.
“It didn’t matter that the yard sections were separated, Aniki completely snapped, taking that boy’s collar. ‘Don’t you dare touch my brother again.’ I’d never seen him that like that. The dorky brother with his perfectly ironed uniform was actually standing up for me. I never saw him the same way again.”
Looking at how pleased Keisuke was over this story, I shook my head and smiled. “You guys are really funny. Always talking about each other when it’s not about cars.”
Pouting a bit, Keisuke continued to eat.
Now I have some clues of what Ryousuke has been doing all these years…
“Is there any time that he doesn’t have the answer?” I wondered aloud as I resumed eating.
“Yeah, of course.”
I noticed he’d already finished eating and was drinking his water!
He leaned back into the wall and crossed his arms. “I’ll tell you about it later, but first, let’s talk about the first girl he liked. He was in the third grade. Aniki always wanted to be in the front of the line so that his teacher would notice him…”
I ended up laughing so hard at all Keisuke’s stories that it didn’t seem like they were about the Ryousuke we knew.
When we were walking back to the parking lot, I saw the moon as the wind calmly passed around us. With my heart pounding relentlessly, I blurted out, “Do you think he’d ever accept me?”
“Hmm?”
“As his equal. As a person he respects.”
As his lover?
In the middle of the turnaround, Keisuke stopped and turned his head to me.
I continued, “He does things all by himself. I was really angry that I didn’t know that he’d ask you to race him too. It’s like he keeps coming towards me and when I finally face him, he retreats all over again. He makes decisions about me according to his predictions too.”
“He gets along with everyone, but besides me, even I don’t know who he’s really close to.” He ran his hand through his spiky hair and stopped halfway. “I have a hint, but I think that’s just how he is. I don’t know if he trusts himself as much as we think.”
From Keisuke’s tone, I could tell this was something he speculated, but couldn’t ever talk about with anyone.
He took a step forward and reached out to put his hand right below my neck and in between my shoulder blades. Without looking at me, he stared straight forward. “Besides racing, I don’t think there’s anything for him, but you.”
*/*/*/*/*/00000
Driving behind the yellow FD along to Hakone, I turned on the radio. It immediately grabbed me because the young girl was singing with an acoustic guitar.
“You want me to wake up,
Tell you that everything wasn’t true,
Pushing everything away,
It was all your delusion
Your heart created its own illusion.
It wasn’t mine anyway.
Never mine, any day.
Why do you put up all these walls
So that I can’t get over them?
Why do you punish me
For other people’s mistakes?
Is it really for my sake?
Making love on the phone,
Whispered words are so beautiful
When we’re not in the same room.
Next to one another,
The bed’s still cold
Even when our skins touch.
You want me to wake up,
Tell you that everything wasn’t true,
Pushing everything away,
It was all your delusion
Your heart created its own illusion.
It wasn’t mine anyway.
Never mine, any day.
I don’t understand
Why it isn’t enough?
Even if I say I love you
You’re still distant
Though you’re right next to me…”
Even when we arrived on Hakone, as I held the walkie talkie in one hand and a stopwatch in another, the song lyrics played in the cool air around me. Back and forth, I would do my run and then alternate with Keisuke.
The Impreza was here with me and I had to force myself to forget the ’86. We had to get used to one another even if I remembered the details of the course very well. It was like shedding one skin for another, a transformation I wasn’t quite ready for yet. I didn’t want to let go because I had to become someone different, but there wasn’t a lot of time left.
Holding onto the steering wheel, I looked out into the dark road knowing that I had to be strong enough for all three of us.
I had to be the one to lead this time to make Ryousuke feel thoroughly satisfied with what he had done.
To get Keisuke’s approval as the only rival he’d look at and give the reassurance that I’d protect his brother with all my might.
For me to take the gift given to me and fight, proving to myself that I deserved it.
Crazily, there were already people securing their places for tomorrow’s run and after many hours, right before the dawn, we went back to Keisuke’s house.
*/*/*/*/*/00000
I was about to sleep on the couch when Keisuke called out to me from his room. “Hey, we can share the bed. The couch isn’t as comfy as the one at home.”
“But-“
“I still have things I want to talk about.”
Persuasive as ever, he slept on one side and gave me my own set of blankets. The bed was bigger and softer than I’d expected.
“I’m glad you’re here, Takumi,” he said as he turned off the lights and I settled into the bed.
“I have to honestly say…I always thought I was intruding between you and your brother.”
He got under his covers and sighed. “I admit for a while I resented it, but it was good. This was probably the first time that my brother and I were interested in the same person.”
“Huh?”
“Our friends and hobbies usually didn’t match. As I told you, he brought me into his world of cars. I was trying hard not to be like my brother but at the same time, I hadn’t realized he was trying to find a way to connect with me. It’s like we met in the middle with racing and it clicked. Then you came. I was becoming bored and you gave me something to aim for. I don’t know about Aniki, but when he was trying to find your stats and that night he raced you, he smiled in front of the computer screen. I came in because it hurt to know his record had been broken. I wanted to cheer him up.
“He was looking up at the ceiling, sitting on his chair in his room and grinning. I hadn’t seen that for a long time. It was like the way before Kaori and our parents began fighting a lot. He just looked so happy to be where he was. I think it’s because even if his record was broken, he had finally raced the way he’d always wanted to. And that was because of you.
“So of course I envied you. You beat me to my first goal.”
“I know that you always think that I’m looking at your brother, but I always wanted to tell you that this began with you.”
“Me? Because I challenged you?”
“It was when you were racing Nakazato-san. I was in the crowd watching and when you passed by, I had an inkling of what everybody was talking about. Like an electrical surge, that was the instant I wanted to be a part of something more. I understood a little of the passion that everyone around me felt. Your brother may have been the one that finished everything, but you were the one that started it for me.”
There was a long pause. Unlike the brash, arrogant racer I knew him to be, he replied almost embarrassed, “No wonder Aniki said you were off limits.”
“For what?”
“I wonder…”
“Why are you guys always like this to me?”
“We each have our own reasons.”
He turned over and his back faced me as I stared at him in complete bewilderment.
These two brothers!
After a couple of minutes, I asked him the question that was bugging me for a long time.
“Sleeping yet?”
“No. I think I’m too excited for our battle.”
“Then can I ask you something? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but…”
“Depends on the question. What is it?” He yawned.
“Did you see the news about Iwase Kyouko?”
“Yes.” He adjusted himself to sleep on his back but still not turning his head towards me. “Why?”
“Project D is over now. Is it okay for you to leave things like this?”
“Why are you being nosy?”
“I wondered because you never talked about it.”
“There’s nothing more to it. I’ve gotta focus on my pro career now.”
I reached out to his shoulder. “Like your brother pulling me, didn’t you do the same with her? Don’t you think she came to the pros because of you?”
“She can do what she wants.” He crossed his arms.
“You don’t have to be so-“
“There isn’t a day that goes by that I haven’t regretted what I said. There. You made me say it.”
Keisuke rolled over and I pulled my hand back. Getting up, I left the room.
“You don’t have to leave. I’m not really mad, you know. It’s just hard to talk about Kyouko without remembering how dumb I was.”
Outside, I unzipped the outer pocket of my duffel bag and took out something. I turned on the light.
“Don’t turn on the light! I’ve only got an hour before I get up!”
Walking over, I tossed the envelope marked “Darling” onto his stomach. “Iwase said to give this to you.”
“You talked with her?”
I tilted my head from side to side. “You could say that.”
Getting into bed, he sat up with the envelope in his hands. I blinked my eyes sleepily and yawned loudly.
“Before I forget, I said I’d tell you something.”
“Yeah?”
“Aniki looks tough and I know he acts it because he wants me to be strong too, but deep inside, he’s a real softie. That guy can’t go to sleep without someone or something next to him. Before our house was renovated, we shared one room, his current room. So when we were little, we slept together and then our parents said we had to get separate rooms. After that, Aniki slept with a stuffed animal or an extra pillow, whatever he could wrap his arms around.
“I shouldn’t tell you this, but before he met Kaori, he didn’t take anyone seriously. He used to be completely clueless about his own popularity because he was in his own universe and focusing on bigger things. A lot of misunderstandings happened due to his tact.
“Do you get what I’m saying?”
“Kind of.”
“So, what I’m saying is to hit him when he deserves it, but please take good care of him. Good night.”
Since when had we become this close that you included me in yours and Ryousuke’s shielded circle?
I smiled at Keisuke’s back as he opened the letter. “Good night, Keisuke-san.”
My hand reached over to the corner of the bed for my phone.
Message (141/143)
Name: Takahashi R.
Subject: None
Attachment: None
Please forgive me for making you feel that way. Actually, I was calling to tell you that I finished my special project and I wanted you to check it. I’ll give you the key after the battles.
I’m looking forward to seeing you and Kei tomorrow.
Waiting,
Ryou
The light of the phone became faint and it blacked out. My sleepy eyes watched it, and even when I put my hand down, I couldn’t let go. Keisuke was still reading when I was falling asleep.
Until today, you always put “Takahashi R” as your signature so I saved your name like that.
You always know where to hit me.
How can you be cruel when I’m with you and so sweet when we’re apart?
Tsuzuku…/To be continued…
--
Author’s note: Itsuki, Ryousuke, and Keisuke are all significant to Takumi and it’s interesting to see them all in one chapter. I was happy to finally have Keisuke back because I’ve been waiting. There were so many flashbacks with him but now we get to see him again.
I just feel like away from the races, there was so much going on in the background of Initial D. I had wanted to see how Itsuki really was one of the people who protected Takumi. Or how Keisuke thought once he had gone through all that training and did he change his mind about Kyouko? And also, I’d wanted to see if Ryousuke could really let go of racing. We saw everything from Takumi’s perspective so I wished there was more on the others (like Nakazato, Sayuki, Sudoh, Wataru and Kai) because each one was captivating in their own way.
But it seems like Takumi, having chosen Ryousuke and saying goodbye to Mika, is catching up in a way that Ryousuke’s still not ready for.
Thanks for reading! Yay, the next chapter is finally *drum rolls* the race!
Love,
Yui
9/9/2016 1:55 AM – Los Angeles
9/9/2016 5:55 PM - Tokyo
title: Invincible.
pairing: Ryousuke x Takumi
rating: pg-13
description: Ryousuke suddenly appears at Takumi ‘s house to ask him a favor, but is there something underlying his request? (Note: Shounen-ai)
Disclaimer – Initial D doesn’t belong to Yui.
Invincible.
By Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 23 – As his equal.
From Mount Myogi until my doorstep, we exchanged no words, but in between the patches of light from the outside, I’d glance at Itsuki’s sleeves, wet and out of season. I hadn’t mentioned why or what, and he'd come prepared anyway.
“Hey Itsuki, could you pick me up from Takasaki station right now?”
“Sure. I’ll be right there.”
That was all I said.
Now, the single thought, even above Mika’s shaky voice and Ryousuke’s muted jealousy swirling in my head, that kept persisting through was, “How will you make this up to Itsuki?”
You’ve been my friend this whole time and I’ve never really thought about what I could do to make you happy. We talk all the time, and I still didn’t get it.
I lifted my hand up. “Thanks.”
He smiled and gave me a thumbs up. “Anytime.”
Even at 2am, he was this upbeat.
Looking up at the window to my room, I remembered when he had thrown pebbles and picked me up then too.
After pushing my key into the lock, I took off my shoes, walked up the stairs, and plopped myself on my bed.
Gradually cracking from the pressure, my brain was too achy and numb to sleep. I ended up staring into the shadows of my room until delivery time.
Even the cold water while washing my face didn’t feel refreshing and I was too afraid to see my reflection.
Without explanations, after handing me the last cup of water for my last run, my dad rested his hand on my head. I thought I had cried enough, but it seemed like a lie. I could feel the burn of some tears on the rims of my eyes as I turned to him.
I’d been doing this for years. Why get sentimental now?
“Your mom would be proud to see this day.”
He took his hand away and pulled a cigarette from his shirt pocket. As I pulled farther and farther away, I saw him light up and lean against the house, looking into my direction.
*/*/*/*/*/00000
I took a short nap before packing up to go towards Hakone and left after picking up the rental car for Dad to use while I was gone.
After stopping in the convenience store at Shibukawa Station, I leaned my back on the driver’s door of the Impreza and checked my phone again. Another missed call from Ryousuke and a voicemail from Keisuke.
I gulped, not really being in the mindset to call either, but dialed Ryousuke’s number anyway.
The world appeared too fuzzy as the sun shined extremely bright. It was dry all around, and even though I had my drink in my bag, I had no desire to open it.
“Good morning, Takumi.”
“Hello.”
“Give me a moment.” Something went clack on the other end of the line. After some metal crackling in the background, he came back. “Thank you.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you until now.”
“It’s all right. I wanted to make sure you made it home safely since I’d said I’d take you.”
“I asked Itsuki.”
“I see.”
“And he showed me something.”
“Such as…?”
“Why didn’t you tell me that Keisuke was racing you too?” My eyes averted themselves away from the glare of the tar.
“Are you angry with me because of that?”
He nailed it and I eluded the question, clenching the plastic bag in my hand.
“So many websites are discussing about it. I thought it was something private.”
Wasn’t it just between you and me? You made it seem that way. So for what purpose did I go through all this turmoil for?
“It is. I wasn’t the one who leaked it out. Otherwise, I’d have announced it directly on the Project D website.”
“But neither of you told me that you were racing one another.”
Why was my blood bubbling? I was much more vexed than I thought.
“I don’t understand why you sound upset.”
“I…” I stammered as I felt my whole body begin to shake from his nonchalant attitude. “Just when I’m one step closer to understanding you, when I think I have something solid, you slip away from me all over again.”
I don’t know if you’re conscious of what you’re doing.
“You know more than you think.”
“But if you don’t tell me, it’s meaningless.”
Why don’t you get it?
“I didn’t know that it would affect you so much.”
“That’s what you always think.”
The skin over my heart never felt so thin.
“Taku-“
“Ryousuke, since the night that you stopped for me, I’ve been aware of you. You were always around me somehow. And when I joined your team, I became more and more conscious of the hold you had over me until I realized that I wanted to be looked on as your peer. I want you to see me eye-to-eye, even if I don’t have all the confidence I should have by now. But you say and do things like this to show me…”
…that you don’t really understand how important you are to me.
Because I accept you for who you are.
I love you so I need you.
“…you’re still planning everything all by yourself. With or without me.”
Click. “Call ended” flashed before I realized I’d hung up on him.
I hear it in your voice. You’re doing everything because you don’t want to lose me, still trying to control what you have no power over.
*/*/*/*/*/00000
The background of mufflers and engines was too noisy with Keisuke shouting, ”Hey, cancel your hotel and stay with me in Mishima! Call me when you’re in.”
Just like his older brother, refusal wasn’t an option. I was lucky that I’d been able to cancel without paying any fees.
Pushing down the trunk, I put my duffel bag over my shoulder and noticed the long stone road, a remnant of the Edo period. Further on, there stood the side entrance of the main shrine of Mishima.
I stepped in front of my car, standing in front of the small metal gate and looking up at the small light green house. It seemed to be the correct address on his email. I reached over the gate to turn the handle.
As instructed, I took the key from the mailbox to let myself in.
After I closed the door behind me, I noticed how bare it was. It was a little dark at the genkan. When I took a few steps, to my right was a bathroom and in front of me was a closed room.
In contrast, when I’d walked up the steps to my left, all the walls were white that the light from the windows seemed blinding. The blue couch with a small coffee table in front of it faced a medium sized digital tv. There was a very nice and clean, yet narrow kitchen with a single pan on the gas stovetop. The fridge was a white one, almost retro in design. In back of me, it appeared to be his bedroom.
Putting my things down on one side of the couch, I called Keisuke.
“I’ll be there in about an hour so make yourself at home.”
Somehow, I’d expected Keisuke to be living in a really high-end apartment overlooking the city, but instead, it was not big or small, just nice and cozy. It was almost like being at home, only without the tatami.
I found myself opening the windows of the living room and kitchen and going back to the couch to lie down. With the warmth of the sun and relaxing breeze coming through, I found myself sleeping until Keisuke came home.
Shortly after, we drove to the front of the station and ate at a steakhouse. Quickly, we ordered, but I didn’t know where to start. There were many things I wanted to know. I wasn’t even sure if he’d answer, but then again, he wasn’t the secretive type.
“Thanks for letting me stay with you.”
“Naw, don’t worry about it.” He reached out and turned my head so that he could look at my cheek.
“Oh, it’s not as bad.” I tried to dismiss it entirely.
Keisuke let go of my chin and began to cut into his meat. “Even if I was mad, I shouldn’t have hit you.”
“After hearing the story from your brother,” I said as I took a bite of some corn, “it seems justified.”
“He finally told you?”
“More or less. Some things are blurry, but I think I have a better idea of everything. He told me about Kaori and how you punched him back into consciousness.”
“Yeah, it was all pretty fucked up. I was having my own issues and everything was breaking down around me so I hate that time all together.” He took a bite of his meat. “He’s not as strong as people think he is. And he doesn’t know how to ask for what he truly wants, no matter how honest he is.”
“I know that very well now.”
“I’m very sure that guy went up to you with that air of his, but you don’t know how worried he was. He didn’t want anyone else as the downhill driver and wouldn’t compromise, insisting it had to be you. I’d never seen him so adamant about anything. He asked me if there was anything I could do and he rarely asked favors from me, so that’s why I went to push you to join.”
I stopped eating. “But he always looked so self-assured.”
“Do you think he’d show anything else besides that? This was the same guy who fought with fourth graders when he was in the third grade. Someone had pushed me. I know the kid said something about how our family always showed off. I didn’t understand it at the time, but my brother saw us across the yard.
“It didn’t matter that the yard sections were separated, Aniki completely snapped, taking that boy’s collar. ‘Don’t you dare touch my brother again.’ I’d never seen him that like that. The dorky brother with his perfectly ironed uniform was actually standing up for me. I never saw him the same way again.”
Looking at how pleased Keisuke was over this story, I shook my head and smiled. “You guys are really funny. Always talking about each other when it’s not about cars.”
Pouting a bit, Keisuke continued to eat.
Now I have some clues of what Ryousuke has been doing all these years…
“Is there any time that he doesn’t have the answer?” I wondered aloud as I resumed eating.
“Yeah, of course.”
I noticed he’d already finished eating and was drinking his water!
He leaned back into the wall and crossed his arms. “I’ll tell you about it later, but first, let’s talk about the first girl he liked. He was in the third grade. Aniki always wanted to be in the front of the line so that his teacher would notice him…”
I ended up laughing so hard at all Keisuke’s stories that it didn’t seem like they were about the Ryousuke we knew.
When we were walking back to the parking lot, I saw the moon as the wind calmly passed around us. With my heart pounding relentlessly, I blurted out, “Do you think he’d ever accept me?”
“Hmm?”
“As his equal. As a person he respects.”
As his lover?
In the middle of the turnaround, Keisuke stopped and turned his head to me.
I continued, “He does things all by himself. I was really angry that I didn’t know that he’d ask you to race him too. It’s like he keeps coming towards me and when I finally face him, he retreats all over again. He makes decisions about me according to his predictions too.”
“He gets along with everyone, but besides me, even I don’t know who he’s really close to.” He ran his hand through his spiky hair and stopped halfway. “I have a hint, but I think that’s just how he is. I don’t know if he trusts himself as much as we think.”
From Keisuke’s tone, I could tell this was something he speculated, but couldn’t ever talk about with anyone.
He took a step forward and reached out to put his hand right below my neck and in between my shoulder blades. Without looking at me, he stared straight forward. “Besides racing, I don’t think there’s anything for him, but you.”
*/*/*/*/*/00000
Driving behind the yellow FD along to Hakone, I turned on the radio. It immediately grabbed me because the young girl was singing with an acoustic guitar.
“You want me to wake up,
Tell you that everything wasn’t true,
Pushing everything away,
It was all your delusion
Your heart created its own illusion.
It wasn’t mine anyway.
Never mine, any day.
Why do you put up all these walls
So that I can’t get over them?
Why do you punish me
For other people’s mistakes?
Is it really for my sake?
Making love on the phone,
Whispered words are so beautiful
When we’re not in the same room.
Next to one another,
The bed’s still cold
Even when our skins touch.
You want me to wake up,
Tell you that everything wasn’t true,
Pushing everything away,
It was all your delusion
Your heart created its own illusion.
It wasn’t mine anyway.
Never mine, any day.
I don’t understand
Why it isn’t enough?
Even if I say I love you
You’re still distant
Though you’re right next to me…”
Even when we arrived on Hakone, as I held the walkie talkie in one hand and a stopwatch in another, the song lyrics played in the cool air around me. Back and forth, I would do my run and then alternate with Keisuke.
The Impreza was here with me and I had to force myself to forget the ’86. We had to get used to one another even if I remembered the details of the course very well. It was like shedding one skin for another, a transformation I wasn’t quite ready for yet. I didn’t want to let go because I had to become someone different, but there wasn’t a lot of time left.
Holding onto the steering wheel, I looked out into the dark road knowing that I had to be strong enough for all three of us.
I had to be the one to lead this time to make Ryousuke feel thoroughly satisfied with what he had done.
To get Keisuke’s approval as the only rival he’d look at and give the reassurance that I’d protect his brother with all my might.
For me to take the gift given to me and fight, proving to myself that I deserved it.
Crazily, there were already people securing their places for tomorrow’s run and after many hours, right before the dawn, we went back to Keisuke’s house.
*/*/*/*/*/00000
I was about to sleep on the couch when Keisuke called out to me from his room. “Hey, we can share the bed. The couch isn’t as comfy as the one at home.”
“But-“
“I still have things I want to talk about.”
Persuasive as ever, he slept on one side and gave me my own set of blankets. The bed was bigger and softer than I’d expected.
“I’m glad you’re here, Takumi,” he said as he turned off the lights and I settled into the bed.
“I have to honestly say…I always thought I was intruding between you and your brother.”
He got under his covers and sighed. “I admit for a while I resented it, but it was good. This was probably the first time that my brother and I were interested in the same person.”
“Huh?”
“Our friends and hobbies usually didn’t match. As I told you, he brought me into his world of cars. I was trying hard not to be like my brother but at the same time, I hadn’t realized he was trying to find a way to connect with me. It’s like we met in the middle with racing and it clicked. Then you came. I was becoming bored and you gave me something to aim for. I don’t know about Aniki, but when he was trying to find your stats and that night he raced you, he smiled in front of the computer screen. I came in because it hurt to know his record had been broken. I wanted to cheer him up.
“He was looking up at the ceiling, sitting on his chair in his room and grinning. I hadn’t seen that for a long time. It was like the way before Kaori and our parents began fighting a lot. He just looked so happy to be where he was. I think it’s because even if his record was broken, he had finally raced the way he’d always wanted to. And that was because of you.
“So of course I envied you. You beat me to my first goal.”
“I know that you always think that I’m looking at your brother, but I always wanted to tell you that this began with you.”
“Me? Because I challenged you?”
“It was when you were racing Nakazato-san. I was in the crowd watching and when you passed by, I had an inkling of what everybody was talking about. Like an electrical surge, that was the instant I wanted to be a part of something more. I understood a little of the passion that everyone around me felt. Your brother may have been the one that finished everything, but you were the one that started it for me.”
There was a long pause. Unlike the brash, arrogant racer I knew him to be, he replied almost embarrassed, “No wonder Aniki said you were off limits.”
“For what?”
“I wonder…”
“Why are you guys always like this to me?”
“We each have our own reasons.”
He turned over and his back faced me as I stared at him in complete bewilderment.
These two brothers!
After a couple of minutes, I asked him the question that was bugging me for a long time.
“Sleeping yet?”
“No. I think I’m too excited for our battle.”
“Then can I ask you something? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but…”
“Depends on the question. What is it?” He yawned.
“Did you see the news about Iwase Kyouko?”
“Yes.” He adjusted himself to sleep on his back but still not turning his head towards me. “Why?”
“Project D is over now. Is it okay for you to leave things like this?”
“Why are you being nosy?”
“I wondered because you never talked about it.”
“There’s nothing more to it. I’ve gotta focus on my pro career now.”
I reached out to his shoulder. “Like your brother pulling me, didn’t you do the same with her? Don’t you think she came to the pros because of you?”
“She can do what she wants.” He crossed his arms.
“You don’t have to be so-“
“There isn’t a day that goes by that I haven’t regretted what I said. There. You made me say it.”
Keisuke rolled over and I pulled my hand back. Getting up, I left the room.
“You don’t have to leave. I’m not really mad, you know. It’s just hard to talk about Kyouko without remembering how dumb I was.”
Outside, I unzipped the outer pocket of my duffel bag and took out something. I turned on the light.
“Don’t turn on the light! I’ve only got an hour before I get up!”
Walking over, I tossed the envelope marked “Darling” onto his stomach. “Iwase said to give this to you.”
“You talked with her?”
I tilted my head from side to side. “You could say that.”
Getting into bed, he sat up with the envelope in his hands. I blinked my eyes sleepily and yawned loudly.
“Before I forget, I said I’d tell you something.”
“Yeah?”
“Aniki looks tough and I know he acts it because he wants me to be strong too, but deep inside, he’s a real softie. That guy can’t go to sleep without someone or something next to him. Before our house was renovated, we shared one room, his current room. So when we were little, we slept together and then our parents said we had to get separate rooms. After that, Aniki slept with a stuffed animal or an extra pillow, whatever he could wrap his arms around.
“I shouldn’t tell you this, but before he met Kaori, he didn’t take anyone seriously. He used to be completely clueless about his own popularity because he was in his own universe and focusing on bigger things. A lot of misunderstandings happened due to his tact.
“Do you get what I’m saying?”
“Kind of.”
“So, what I’m saying is to hit him when he deserves it, but please take good care of him. Good night.”
Since when had we become this close that you included me in yours and Ryousuke’s shielded circle?
I smiled at Keisuke’s back as he opened the letter. “Good night, Keisuke-san.”
My hand reached over to the corner of the bed for my phone.
Message (141/143)
Name: Takahashi R.
Subject: None
Attachment: None
Please forgive me for making you feel that way. Actually, I was calling to tell you that I finished my special project and I wanted you to check it. I’ll give you the key after the battles.
I’m looking forward to seeing you and Kei tomorrow.
Waiting,
Ryou
The light of the phone became faint and it blacked out. My sleepy eyes watched it, and even when I put my hand down, I couldn’t let go. Keisuke was still reading when I was falling asleep.
Until today, you always put “Takahashi R” as your signature so I saved your name like that.
You always know where to hit me.
How can you be cruel when I’m with you and so sweet when we’re apart?
Tsuzuku…/To be continued…
--
Author’s note: Itsuki, Ryousuke, and Keisuke are all significant to Takumi and it’s interesting to see them all in one chapter. I was happy to finally have Keisuke back because I’ve been waiting. There were so many flashbacks with him but now we get to see him again.
I just feel like away from the races, there was so much going on in the background of Initial D. I had wanted to see how Itsuki really was one of the people who protected Takumi. Or how Keisuke thought once he had gone through all that training and did he change his mind about Kyouko? And also, I’d wanted to see if Ryousuke could really let go of racing. We saw everything from Takumi’s perspective so I wished there was more on the others (like Nakazato, Sayuki, Sudoh, Wataru and Kai) because each one was captivating in their own way.
But it seems like Takumi, having chosen Ryousuke and saying goodbye to Mika, is catching up in a way that Ryousuke’s still not ready for.
Thanks for reading! Yay, the next chapter is finally *drum rolls* the race!
Love,
Yui
9/9/2016 1:55 AM – Los Angeles
9/9/2016 5:55 PM - Tokyo
