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yui_miyamotofandom: Initial D
title: Invincible.
pairing: Ryousuke x Takumi
rating: pg-13
description: Ryousuke suddenly appears at Takumi ‘s house to ask him a favor, but is there something underlying his request? (Note: Shounen-ai)
Disclaimer – Shigeno-sensei is the person who created this wonderful series called Initial D. It doesn’t belong to me, but here we are because of my love for it.
Invincible.
By Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 27 – Kurikaeshite. (Repeating.)
I only circled once around these unknown streets. And as soon as I stepped out of the ’86, everything I wrongly assumed was ransacked by all my conflicting emotions.
No one guaranteed that once I knew his answer that everything would fall into place.
“How was it?”
By the time I held onto the unscratched door frame, my throat was already dry.
“Unbelievable,” I replied both in honor and adoration for his skill. “Even if you said Ryousuke installed most of it, I know it was you who had to finalize this plan.”
With the door still open, I stepped aside and bowed from my waist, trying my hardest to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes. “Thank you very much.”
“You don’t have to bow-“
“No, Matsumoto-san. I have been with you throughout Project D and yet, I never told you how much I’ve appreciated you.” My face was still facing the dirt ground. “I understand why Ryousuke-san chose you. You are a true artisan.”
When I lifted my head and humbly stood up, Matsumoto’s lips slightly curved upwards, listening attentively as he always did whenever we were discussing something.
“Every car isn’t just a machine to you. It is an extension of a person. And you can see that so clearly.” I held my hand out towards the ’86. “This is the most important thing in my whole life. It links my mother, father, and me together so secretly, I’ve called him my ‘Brother’.”
Now, I directed my hand towards him. “I know you understand what I mean.”
Matsumoto shook my hand with the same humility he was known for. “You’re welcome, Takumi. And thank you for your kind words.”
I was touched when he said my name.
For all that he’s worth, he is still so modest…
“Before you go, Ryousuke-san asked me to give this to you too.” He took out a thin silver-blue digital recorder from his shirt pocket.
Taking it from his hand, I lifted it up. “Thanks.”
“I think you should listen to it on your way home.”
“I will.”
With that, he waved once and we both parted.
While waiting at the nearest stoplight, I fumbled with the recorder because I was actually afraid of what was on it. Even though the talk with Matsumoto somewhat calmed me down, my messed up feelings came out fiercer than ever. I got through “Folder 1” and pressed “Play” on “File 1” for the message.
Turning right onto the main road, I breezed past the park and city hall. The windows were rolled up, and I placed the recorder in the passenger seat. Eerily, it was as if Ryousuke was right there next to me…
“Hi Takumi. I’m sure you’re wondering about all of this right now.”
That’s an understatement, even for you...
“I hadn’t planned to be secretive about fixing the ’86, but with everything going on, I had a feeling that you probably wouldn’t have believed me even if I’d told you. If I’d explained exactly why before we met here in Hakone.”
Stopping myself from the vexation of glancing over, I kept my eyes straight on the road and cars before me. It was hard to imagine that he wasn’t here in person.
“I always wanted to say sorry to you.” A long pause ensued.
“For what?” I mumbled in irritation, watching the street with disorder running through my veins.
“In our last battle as a team, it was my fault your engine blew. I had calculated until that point, but as a last resort, you really did use my advice. Even at the cost of your life, without thinking, you did it for the team. You had made me proud.
“Even though you didn’t say a word when we all took it back to Gunma, you kept staring at the ’86 from the corner of your eye. I was disappointed with myself because you had sacrificed yourself. You lost something that meant the whole world to you.
“I knew how that felt, and yet, even when I went to your house to apologize, all I could do was touch the ’86. I went home knowing it wouldn’t be sufficient enough...”
What Itsuki saw…
“…to thank you for all the time you spent with me. For playing the game I made. I know it was arrogant of me, but you’ve really had a hold on me for a quite a while now. All my level-headed reasoning flew out the window the moment you defeated my brother.”
“Wasn’t it in our battle?” I questioned aloud.
“Didn’t anyone tell you that I came back the very next night to Akina? I gathered all the details I could find and practiced in a way I’d never known. The latent fear that you could take it all away from me slowly became real to me.
“Day after day, even when I was studying or doing my rounds in the hospital, I obsessed over how I could destroy you. Racing had always been a release for me. To push everything away. But you made me finally see that I’d never reach my full potential as I was. I could no longer go to sleep without knowing the truth about your strength or my weakness.
“So when we raced, it was much better than all the trajectories or even the dreams I had of conquering you. You were only 40 percent of what my data predicted and the more I loved our battle as it progressed. I could experience the bliss of what my brother described. I never had so much fun because in the past, it was just painful. Battling with you only emphasized the hollowness.”
I switched lanes to leave the expressway.
“Ever since Kaori passed away, time stopped and something in me died too. I only felt alive while I was racing, but then, I saw something through you. That yearning to find where I could belong…to be the racing ideal I had inside my head.
“While watching you, I knew you would reach the heights I couldn’t get to no matter how much I worked. At that point, you weren’t even aware of anything though you had all the talent many wished for, including myself. And when you ended my winning streak, you never put it over my head, insisting that even the facts were misleading.”
His tone softened as he said, “I was so grateful you joined Project D that I went to pray at Akagi Jinja. And when we were together, you were kind to my brother and pushed him to be his best self as well. He always thought he was second to me, but you helped me to prove his assumptions wrong. I don’t think you know that you’ve changed all the people who have competed with you, Takumi.
“And your group from Akina are there at every single race to support you. They believe in you, because I believe, inside and out, you are truly pure. You are not easily persuaded by others but make your decisions as they fit you. That is the strength I wished to possess.”
I passed a train station and parked in a spot where no one could see me. There was another long pause as I turned off the engine and reached out for the recorder. I focused on the tiny green dot that said it was still on.
“I think that is why I fell in love with you.”
Looking out over the hood to the windows and back to the dashboard, I again watched the recorder in my hand.
“I’ve lost Kaori and I can’t race anymore because I will take over my parent’s hospital. But I don’t have any regrets now. I know that when we race, you will understand what I’ve wanted you to learn. And from there, you will beat me once more. Maybe this time, you will be satisfied with the results.”
Pressing my left wrist onto the steering wheel, I put my right one over it and pushed my forehead onto the cross, still holding onto the recorder.
“I just wanted to see it one more time because never again will I forfeit what I treasure. I don’t want to lose you without giving it all I’ve got. Even now as I record this, I’m not ready to give you up to anyone or anything.
“I hope the ‘86 can tell you what I feel. How much I am in love with you. Again, thank you, Takumi.”
There was a beep to say the message ended and everything became silent.
I clenched onto the recorder, wanting to throw it against the innocent window.
“Why do you do this to me?”
I could no longer swallow my tears. They kept dropping as I shook from sobbing.
I didn’t expect this to be easy, but I don’t get it. Every single damn time, why do you always have to say goodbye?
Retreating like this, I knew he still didn’t trust me.
Just because you love one another doesn’t automatically mean happiness either.
“I won’t…give up...”
The thought of actually letting you go…it makes the very core of my being shut down altogether.
*/*/*/*/*/00000
“This is the voicemail of Takahashi Ryousuke. Please leave your name, number, and message at the tone. Thank you very much and I will get back to you as soon as possible.”
Something wasn’t right. No matter what time I called, or whatever he was doing, he’d always answer.
I still got no response at the second try so I tried to contact Keisuke too. Luck wasn’t on my side because both of them weren’t picking up or replying to my emails even though I knew for sure they were not sleeping. It was relatively early for all of us.
“How weird…”
Gathering all the courage I could muster, I drove to Ryousuke’s house, but all the lights were off. I sighed and debated on going to the hospital. It was the only other place I could think of because of the stack of papers he’d had in the cabin.
I should’ve asked Tsugumi for her phone number.
After an hour of waiting, I decided to go to the hospital. On the way there, I dropped by a convenience store to see myself in the mirror and collect my distorted thoughts while buying a bottle of houjicha.
When I was at the main entrance, I slowly approached the front desk. The receptionist on night duty asked me to wait, but the expected page didn’t go through the hospital’s speakers. Instead, another staff member led me to the director’s office.
Mr. Takahashi sat behind a huge concave desk typing on his keyboard while Mrs. Takahashi stood next to him with a clipboard in her hands. The director looked at me with no qualms of implying my tedious presence was disturbing their work.
“Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Takahashi. I am sorry to bother you at this time of the day.”
Mrs. Takahashi slightly bowed her head forward while Mr. Takahashi gave me a curt, “Hello, Fujiwara. What seems to be the problem?”
“I would like to talk to Ryousuke-san.”
That strange feeling at the pit of my stomach turned over…
“He’s already on his flight as we speak.”
His what?
All the color drained from my face with every word he said.
He’s not here?
“Did he fail to mention to you that he was going to do internships overseas so that he could change our facilities? I just assumed you were the first to know about this.” He glanced at his computer screen dismissively.
“No, he never told me anything,” I replied monotonously.
Sand had taken over the insides of my mouth, his words dizzily working themselves into my brain.
“We came to a mutual agreement that if he left, I would no longer interfere with your life. So, he went off and when he returns, he will take over.”
Nothing came out from my mouth. His triumph solidified itself at my silence.
You would have threatened my father just because of your family troubles. All because I’m nothing but trash in your eyes?
I couldn’t decide if I was more disappointed or aggravated by Ryousuke’s decision.
I didn’t need you to do that for me!
“I won’t waste my time trying to understand your relationship with our son. What’s your true motive anyway? I won’t allow you to drag him down after all I’ve done to secure his future.”
“I’m not here to speak for Ryousuke-san’s choices, but I know if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have been able to see a better future for myself. I can’t have you damage all his hard work. The things he’s truly proud of.”
Suddenly, it felt like I’d discovered the missing pieces of my limited understanding of Ryousuke and Kaori’s relationship, why they’d been deeply attached to one another.
The extremeness of how they lived.
Before, I didn’t know how to relate.
“You’re just a child. You have no idea what will lie ahead from what you’re proposing.”
Ryousuke wasn’t here to defend me this time.
“You’re right, I don’t know about that. But what I do know? I will never lie to myself to fit what I’m ‘supposed to be’. And I’ll only let go of him when he tells me to do so.”
“Racing.” Mr. Takahashi drummed his fingers on his desk and then pushed both of his hands on its ledge. “I can’t believe until now, it has to be my adversary.”
The harsh glare towards his wife matched the shade of disdain in his voice. “I blame you for never getting rid of your collection.”
“I’ll do everything you ask, my dear,” his wife protested, digging her nails into the clipboard, “Everything, but that.”
Mr. Takahashi was about to retort back when we were interrupted by the intercom.
“I’ll take care of this,” his wife said as he rushed out.
I stepped aside as he coldly showed himself out of the room.
Mrs. Takahashi put the clipboard next to the keyboard and let out a deep sigh. Crossing her arms in front of her and with no bitterness in her tone, she pointed out, “You know it’s useless now. There is nothing you can do.”
The enigmatic figure approached the front of the red cherry desk. Her grave expression remained unchanged. “But here you are to remind me that there’s no such thing as coincidence.”
What does she mean by that?
“I only came to say thank you to Ryousuke-san because he repaired my car. You may laugh at me, Mrs. Takahashi, but that car means more than my life.”
It connects everything in my world.
I took a step forward. “So please tell me how can I reach him.”
Because I don’t know how. He won’t let me.
“How can I trust you? Your relationship alone automatically implies he will be shunned by society.” She leaned onto the desk.
“I know that.”
Uncrossing her arms, she continued to press the questions that were whirling in my head. “If word gets around, it will ruin both of your reputations and careers.”
“I’m aware of that too.”
Mrs. Takahashi’s heels tapped softly on the floor until she stood before me. “Even with all that, would you give up racing or Ryousuke?”
Her eyes searched deeply into me and I had to admit, I was a little taken aback.
“They are the same to me. Without Ryousuke, there is no racing.”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“No matter how many times you ask, I will always choose Ryousuke-san. Always.”
“How can you be so sure of your answer?”
“Because he bet on me, didn’t he?”
Because he gave me everything that I am now…
Because I don’t want to give up on myself anymore.
I don’t want to lose so I have to protect it. Racing, his brother, and myself…
This is where we can find our piece of freedom.
“Words are empty no matter how much the heart knows they’re true.”
Swallowing hard, I clenched my right hand and then my left one. Slowly getting down one knee at a time, her eyes opened wide. Opening my hands to push against the ground, I lowered my head to the floor. “I promise you I won’t let go of him unless he throws me away. Until that time comes, I will stay with him.”
There were so many times in my life I regretted never expressing what I really wanted. In those small failures, I still held my breath whenever I thought about them.
I’d cut off my pride and my ego if I could gain his trust.
“Answering like that…” She went down on one knee to pat my shoulder and grab my arm so that I could stand up. “It is no wonder he...”
She didn’t finish her thought.
The stiffness in her manner melted away as she squeezed my arm. After she let go, she then pushed away the loose strands of hair that had fallen across her face. “Who would have thought I’d meet Seiko-san’s son like this?”
“You know my mother?”
Even more subtle than her oldest son, her eyes half closed, eyelashes lowered, and then went up again in response.
“I’ll explain everything to you, but not here. Tomorrow, I’ll go to Shibukawa Station at 6am. If you choose to meet me there, I’ll tell you then.”
I was getting ready to leave Gunma the day after tomorrow, right? But it didn’t seem to matter now.
“Yes.”
She followed me into the parking lot. At seeing the ’86, Mrs. Takahashi’s fingertips gently reached for its metallic surface. Her hand was like a flower, holding her fingers like a bud until they spread out slowly over the black hood, sweeping it in a half-circle motion. All the while, her eyes, if they could, kissed the ’86 lovingly. “It’s nice to see you again.”
Momentarily, the hint of tenderness faded into sorrow.
Who is this woman?
Lost in the moment, when she turned her head, Mrs. Takahashi opened her mouth about call to someone else…
…because I swear she looked almost shocked to see me there.
*/*/*/*/*/00000
Itsuki and I had breakfast together at Gasto, which was four blocks away from the front of the station. Over eggs, sausage, toast, and hash browns, we talked about Hakone. I listened to his enthusiastic, yet half-sleepy praises of how they had chosen the best spot near the end of the course. They had a perfect view of how I overtook Ryousuke, and Itsuki glowed at how he’d been the one to get it on his phone. Then, he switched to how our sempais were over the moon at finally being able to see Ryousuke on an uphill with his own brother. When he finally started to eat, I was almost finished so I told him about how the Rotary Brothers each pushed their limits.
Temporarily, the noose of all my anxieties loosened.
It didn’t seem fair though to always run to Itsuki whenever things became too much for me.
We still had some time so when he sat in the car, I put my arm out. “Don’t put your seatbelt on yet.”
“Okay.” He looked over at me as I breathed in a large amount of air and let it out slowly.
“Thanks for picking me up even though I messaged you so late.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
I found myself watching my lap. “Even if you’re my best friend, I shouldn’t take advantage of you just because.”
“If it were me, I know you’d do it. That’s why I don’t think twice.”
“I know…” I faced him and looked him straight in the eye. “…but I need to tell you why the Impreza’s parked in front of the house.”
“You don’t have to. I know you’ll tell me eventually.”
No…I want it to be fair…I have to learn. You shouldn’t always be waiting for me just because I can’t deal with things.
“Dad brought the ’86 for the tofu rounds.”
“What? The ’86?! Wasn’t it being repaired? Isn’t that what you told me?”
“Yesterday, I picked it up with Matsumoto-san.” My nails pressed into my jeans. “Ryousuke was the one who repaired it.”
Itsuki’s jaw dropped. Stupefied, he opened and closed his eyes several times, but didn’t move.
“And he didn’t just ‘fix it’. He restored it to showroom condition. To the time my dad was still battling with it. It was his way of thanking me for Project D, but he and Dad…”
They got the car done without me knowing.
The scroll of thoughts that rushed through me instantly halted. All the clashing words dissipated the moment I was forced to accept that Ryousuke was nowhere near. My blood turned cold.
Itsuki’s hands reached out for my collar. “What the hell are you doing here with me then?!”
I was at a loss on what to say.
I couldn’t talk with my dad last night. And when I called Ryousuke, he didn’t pick up. He’s out of Gunma.
“I don’t know where he is. That’s why I came here to find out.”
I didn’t have the strength to talk anymore.
He let go of me, the misery on my face speaking for itself.
Since it was almost time, he drove me down to the station. But when he dropped me off, I opened my arms to give him a big hug. “Itsuki…Thanks for sticking with me even when I’m like this.”
While letting go, he was shaking his head at me. After rubbing his eyes, he hit the top of my head. “You dummy. You don’t have to tell me. I already know.”
The turmoil couldn’t stop the small grin that came to my face. “Later.”
“See you, Takumi.”
The Levin went up the small slope and my eyes roamed around the station. Parked to one side of it, a hand waved at me from a silver 1992 Honda NSX-R. For some reason, I had some vague sense of recognition…
While walking towards her, I thought of my dad.
Since he was already sleeping when I arrived, I’d left a note on the table saying, “I brought the ’86 back.”
Upset as I was with him, there was absolutely no point in asking the obvious.
“Hello,” I greeted when I pulled the handle of the door.
“You came,” she answered, looking relieved to see me in the seat next to hers.
I was more than unnerved. The sense of dread that started at the hospital returned in full force as soon as we drove, almost making me want to vomit the little I’d eaten.
It didn’t help that in the back of my mind, both Ryousuke and Keisuke hadn’t returned my phone calls and here I was with their mother. Within 12 hours time, she’d done a complete 180 and I wasn’t sure if I could trust her, considering her and her husband’s track record with me.
But she knows my mom.
Others had stayed away from the subject, but she looked like she’d been waiting to tell about it all along.
“For whatever reason, thank you for coming.”
“Where exactly are we headed?”
“We’re going into Tokyo to see my close friend. He’s the only one who can help you get to Ryousuke right now.”
She refused to look at me and I didn’t even have a hint of what was happening. Thoughtlessly, I blurted out, “Why are you helping me? I thought you were disgusted with me.”
“No…I don’t feel that way at all.”
The light murmur of some melody played on the morning radio.
“You have a stronger will than me so I can trust you with him.”
I couldn’t help but stare at the woman in her dark pinkish blouse with her white suit buttoned right at the center. Her French tip nails and the pearl white of her heels mismatched her fluid way of driving when she entered into the expressway after paying the toll.
One by one, she smoothly passed each car before us as if we were only playing a video game, even reaching out to put in a cd into the player while changing lanes. If I hadn’t been watching, I wouldn’t have believed it. She converged the two styles of her sons, and they’d each split her technique down the middle: Meticulous elegance mixed with fiery playfulness.
“The boys used to love this game when they were little.”
That’s right. Just like my parents with me, they had watched her.
Sometimes, her driving reminded me of being with my dad, but more on the carefully timed and less on the hopelessly thoughtless.
Except for Purple Shadow, I hadn’t observed other drivers my father’s age. It wasn’t quite like the way we drove now. Was it experience, the cars, or their generation that made the contrast visible?
Is that why he keeps telling me I can’t catch up anytime soon?
“You won’t betray them. That’s all that matters to me in regards to my two sons.”
She spoke in spirals. Elusive yet definite. I really didn’t know what to make of it.
In this way, she and Ryousuke were truly identical.
“How old are you now?”
“I’ll be turning 20 soon.”
“And is your father all right?”
“He’s the same as always.”
She held a relaxed expression on her face as she commented, “That’s good to know.”
“How do you know my parents?”
“Actually, your father doesn’t know me even if I know him.”
Her profile erased all evidence of the smile that had been there moments before. All that was left was anguish.
“I’ve never told anyone this. I thought I would carry this to the grave with me, but I guess that’s not possible anymore.” Mrs. Takahashi briefly looked at me for the first time since I’d sat down in the car. “Please promise me never to tell anyone, especially my family or your father.”
“I promise.”
Her gentle plead...
Am I going to regret coming?
“When I was a freshman in college, I got into F1 racing. Since I couldn’t go to the races because of my study schedule, I’d heard that people were racing locally. Back then, having girls come by themselves to that type of thing was next to none. I was really rare because I was interested in designing car engines. Of course, in any circumstance, I was labeled a delinquent.”
Keisuke…
“But after the first summer race on Akagi, I started talking to one girl because she was the only other female in the sea of onlookers. I was so happy to find a new friend because for the most part, she’d never heard about me, and she was only in high school. I don’t know why, but she thought I was the same age as her too. I didn’t deny it and even when she found out two months later, she wasn’t upset about it.
“We enjoyed talking about the drivers who were around and I casually began to race behind my parents’ backs. Most of the time, I was helping behind the scenes with any mechanical problems so that’s how I got accepted into the group. Actually, I still keep in touch with them until this day.
“In the autumn of that same year, when I was talking to her at the starting line, she said she had to go. I realized that she was the contender so I panicked. I was scared if she could race with so little experience. But all my worries were in vain. Anyone who saw her that night knew she was one of those people who could go farther than the mountains.”
She took her right hand off the steering wheel and put it on her lap. “I knew one day her talent would lead her into a different direction. That would be the line that life would divide between us.
“The next evening after that race, she brought me to her home course. As she sped down her road, even the twists felt like ‘her’. Not only was I bewitched, I forgot all my troubles. I could just be ‘me’ without all the strings that came with my family name. The longer I sat there, my admiration grew because she was so dazzling and skilled with the very thing I held very dear to my heart. At the end of the run, she didn’t explain why she’d brought me there. Nor did I tell her what I thought because she leaned over to kiss me.”
I didn’t know how to respond.
“I was her mechanic for a year and a half. With that, I had also become her lover.” Both of her hands moved the steering wheel back and forth, threading through like a swimmer who could gauge the current and know how much force to use. All the while, it all appeared so natural that the gravity of her words deepened her movements.
Driving was both her pain and her pleasure.
“But my parents found out about the racing. And how I had spent my money, though I had earned it myself, on her races. I was forbidden to see my team or race ever again because I was the designated heir to the main family of our bloodline. Our family had been in this profession since the Meiji Period so there was no way they’d forfeit the first hospital they’d established. My grandfather had enough capital to open it in the Taisho period, surviving everything in between.
“From that time on, I was banned from going anywhere besides the university and our hospital. I was monitored all the time so there was no way I could even tell my friends why I’d disappeared. They probably found out about me from the local newspaper because we were able to exchange letters. But as expected, I’d lost contact with her.
“During that time, I was introduced to a nice young man. He was hardworking and had paid his way through school. I honestly didn’t know what he saw in me, but he tried to win me over any way he could. At first I was suspicious of him, but he passionately wanted to help others and worked his way up the administration ranks.
“Even when he knew that there was someone else I was always looking for, after three years of persistence, I finally turned his way. And while I’d never said anything about my past, he bore a grudge against my obsession over racing the entire time we’ve been together.”
Despondent as if talking to herself, she continued with her eyes turning red, “Through one of the members of the team, they admitted to me that the girl had gotten a boyfriend. He later became her husband.
“But you know what the ironic thing is? Years after she’d moved away and I stayed in my hometown, she showed up at my hospital. My parents had already passed away by then and she asked me to treat her if I could.
“At that time though, we didn’t have the technology so all I could do was prolong the inevitable. When it became too much for her to come to me, I recommended for her to go to her local hospital. It was only on the contingency that I come there as a visiting doctor.”
No tears fell.
“The problem began when she was asked to do an anniversary commercial. Even though she’d trained her body, the sudden jolt while racing had caused a concussion. The severity of that injury was undetected and it was later discovered that she’d suffered some kind of brain trauma.
“In the end, her body couldn’t take it, but she wanted to live out her life naturally. She was really stubborn like that. And so, I watched her deteriorate before my eyes.
“Even though I was her main doctor, there was always another doctor who explained everything to her family. Her husband knew nothing about our history, and I just couldn’t face him.
“When she passed away, I didn’t attend her funeral. I was in denial for a very long time, but I visited her grave every year on the day we’d met. After all, I couldn’t let her go.”
Ryousuke and Keisuke have no idea how much she really understands their thoughts…
“So it’s hard for me to look at you.” Her eyes squinted as she gave a smile filled with forlorn nostalgia. “You’re so similar to Seiko-san in more ways than one.”
“Mother…”
The one she’d loved was my mother.
Of all the people who would make me understand the truth…
All at once, the scattered segments of my memories came back to me.
“When is mommy coming back from her trip?”
She began to pack a small bag. “Where are you going? Why can’t you be at home?”
“When are you coming home, Mommy?” I cried into exhaustion in her arms after throwing my green crayon into the hospital wall.
At the viewing, when we were alone, my dad hugged me from behind as I touched her hands. “Why are you sleeping here?”
“I…”
I felt paralyzed. What Ryousuke said, his mother’s words…
The truth about my parents through her eyes…
For an hour, we were absolutely quiet as the music lightly played between us.
The sun was shining to the point I flipped the visor up and she put on her sunglasses. Speeding along the Kanetsu Expressway, the amount of cars increased as we got further into the capital, especially into Shinjuku. The humidity became stifling the more we met crowds waiting for a rendezvous, fashion bargains, and mid-day drinking spurts on Chuo Doori.
“I hope you understand me now. I followed what their father wanted because I love him, and I know he means well despite everything. It’s hard to believe that my own children followed my path though I tried so hard for them to avoid it. That’s why I couldn’t scold Keisuke or Ryousuke as I should have because I was the exact same way. I didn’t give up on them, but to tell them…and their father…
“It would break my husband’s heart if I said the truth, but it’d break mine if I had to give her away all over again. I just can’t...”
“Is that why you kept those videotapes? Ryousuke converted them and I saw some.”
She nodded. “In the early days, I was the one who recorded her battles. When Save was formed, my former teammates took them and sent me the originals for safe keeping.”
How many times had she seen them? And what did she think while watching my father and mother together?
Of course, I had no right to ask.
Tsuzuku…/To be continued…
--
Author’s note: I don’t know why, but while viewing Initial D, there was a part of me that wondered how, why, and where did Ryousuke and Keisuke’s talent come from? Suddenly from writing about those old tapes (chapter 3?), I had a vague image of Mrs. Takahashi and Takumi’s mom knowing each other. The result (this chapter) turned out to be more intricate than I’d envisioned. But personally, even if it’s for myself, it gave me a sense of closure too.
To me, in this chapter alone, it’s like diving back in time to rediscover those feelings of falling in love for the first time. Over and over with different kinds of people and things. And honestly, I quivered at the initial thought of that very prospect. So, I pushed the fic aside, not wanting to rush through just because I wasn’t sure…was it right to go there? Would I be okay with that? Did I want to think about them again?
Why…
And in the end, years later, it’s okay to look back once in a while. It’s a precious feeling. I wanted to preserve that.
I wrote this chapter over and over, but now, I’m spent, squeezed to the last drop. And with it, I cannot believe we've come to the end in the next chapter. *holds fic close* I really can’t believe it. The last time I wrote this much, it took a year. Ah, thank you Initial D for being here all these years.
Hope you enjoyed the read because I thoroughly loved writing this chapter.
Love,
Yui
10/16/2016 4:11 PM – Los Angeles
10/17/2016 8:11 AM - Tokyo
title: Invincible.
pairing: Ryousuke x Takumi
rating: pg-13
description: Ryousuke suddenly appears at Takumi ‘s house to ask him a favor, but is there something underlying his request? (Note: Shounen-ai)
Disclaimer – Shigeno-sensei is the person who created this wonderful series called Initial D. It doesn’t belong to me, but here we are because of my love for it.
Invincible.
By Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 27 – Kurikaeshite. (Repeating.)
I only circled once around these unknown streets. And as soon as I stepped out of the ’86, everything I wrongly assumed was ransacked by all my conflicting emotions.
No one guaranteed that once I knew his answer that everything would fall into place.
“How was it?”
By the time I held onto the unscratched door frame, my throat was already dry.
“Unbelievable,” I replied both in honor and adoration for his skill. “Even if you said Ryousuke installed most of it, I know it was you who had to finalize this plan.”
With the door still open, I stepped aside and bowed from my waist, trying my hardest to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes. “Thank you very much.”
“You don’t have to bow-“
“No, Matsumoto-san. I have been with you throughout Project D and yet, I never told you how much I’ve appreciated you.” My face was still facing the dirt ground. “I understand why Ryousuke-san chose you. You are a true artisan.”
When I lifted my head and humbly stood up, Matsumoto’s lips slightly curved upwards, listening attentively as he always did whenever we were discussing something.
“Every car isn’t just a machine to you. It is an extension of a person. And you can see that so clearly.” I held my hand out towards the ’86. “This is the most important thing in my whole life. It links my mother, father, and me together so secretly, I’ve called him my ‘Brother’.”
Now, I directed my hand towards him. “I know you understand what I mean.”
Matsumoto shook my hand with the same humility he was known for. “You’re welcome, Takumi. And thank you for your kind words.”
I was touched when he said my name.
For all that he’s worth, he is still so modest…
“Before you go, Ryousuke-san asked me to give this to you too.” He took out a thin silver-blue digital recorder from his shirt pocket.
Taking it from his hand, I lifted it up. “Thanks.”
“I think you should listen to it on your way home.”
“I will.”
With that, he waved once and we both parted.
While waiting at the nearest stoplight, I fumbled with the recorder because I was actually afraid of what was on it. Even though the talk with Matsumoto somewhat calmed me down, my messed up feelings came out fiercer than ever. I got through “Folder 1” and pressed “Play” on “File 1” for the message.
Turning right onto the main road, I breezed past the park and city hall. The windows were rolled up, and I placed the recorder in the passenger seat. Eerily, it was as if Ryousuke was right there next to me…
“Hi Takumi. I’m sure you’re wondering about all of this right now.”
That’s an understatement, even for you...
“I hadn’t planned to be secretive about fixing the ’86, but with everything going on, I had a feeling that you probably wouldn’t have believed me even if I’d told you. If I’d explained exactly why before we met here in Hakone.”
Stopping myself from the vexation of glancing over, I kept my eyes straight on the road and cars before me. It was hard to imagine that he wasn’t here in person.
“I always wanted to say sorry to you.” A long pause ensued.
“For what?” I mumbled in irritation, watching the street with disorder running through my veins.
“In our last battle as a team, it was my fault your engine blew. I had calculated until that point, but as a last resort, you really did use my advice. Even at the cost of your life, without thinking, you did it for the team. You had made me proud.
“Even though you didn’t say a word when we all took it back to Gunma, you kept staring at the ’86 from the corner of your eye. I was disappointed with myself because you had sacrificed yourself. You lost something that meant the whole world to you.
“I knew how that felt, and yet, even when I went to your house to apologize, all I could do was touch the ’86. I went home knowing it wouldn’t be sufficient enough...”
What Itsuki saw…
“…to thank you for all the time you spent with me. For playing the game I made. I know it was arrogant of me, but you’ve really had a hold on me for a quite a while now. All my level-headed reasoning flew out the window the moment you defeated my brother.”
“Wasn’t it in our battle?” I questioned aloud.
“Didn’t anyone tell you that I came back the very next night to Akina? I gathered all the details I could find and practiced in a way I’d never known. The latent fear that you could take it all away from me slowly became real to me.
“Day after day, even when I was studying or doing my rounds in the hospital, I obsessed over how I could destroy you. Racing had always been a release for me. To push everything away. But you made me finally see that I’d never reach my full potential as I was. I could no longer go to sleep without knowing the truth about your strength or my weakness.
“So when we raced, it was much better than all the trajectories or even the dreams I had of conquering you. You were only 40 percent of what my data predicted and the more I loved our battle as it progressed. I could experience the bliss of what my brother described. I never had so much fun because in the past, it was just painful. Battling with you only emphasized the hollowness.”
I switched lanes to leave the expressway.
“Ever since Kaori passed away, time stopped and something in me died too. I only felt alive while I was racing, but then, I saw something through you. That yearning to find where I could belong…to be the racing ideal I had inside my head.
“While watching you, I knew you would reach the heights I couldn’t get to no matter how much I worked. At that point, you weren’t even aware of anything though you had all the talent many wished for, including myself. And when you ended my winning streak, you never put it over my head, insisting that even the facts were misleading.”
His tone softened as he said, “I was so grateful you joined Project D that I went to pray at Akagi Jinja. And when we were together, you were kind to my brother and pushed him to be his best self as well. He always thought he was second to me, but you helped me to prove his assumptions wrong. I don’t think you know that you’ve changed all the people who have competed with you, Takumi.
“And your group from Akina are there at every single race to support you. They believe in you, because I believe, inside and out, you are truly pure. You are not easily persuaded by others but make your decisions as they fit you. That is the strength I wished to possess.”
I passed a train station and parked in a spot where no one could see me. There was another long pause as I turned off the engine and reached out for the recorder. I focused on the tiny green dot that said it was still on.
“I think that is why I fell in love with you.”
Looking out over the hood to the windows and back to the dashboard, I again watched the recorder in my hand.
“I’ve lost Kaori and I can’t race anymore because I will take over my parent’s hospital. But I don’t have any regrets now. I know that when we race, you will understand what I’ve wanted you to learn. And from there, you will beat me once more. Maybe this time, you will be satisfied with the results.”
Pressing my left wrist onto the steering wheel, I put my right one over it and pushed my forehead onto the cross, still holding onto the recorder.
“I just wanted to see it one more time because never again will I forfeit what I treasure. I don’t want to lose you without giving it all I’ve got. Even now as I record this, I’m not ready to give you up to anyone or anything.
“I hope the ‘86 can tell you what I feel. How much I am in love with you. Again, thank you, Takumi.”
There was a beep to say the message ended and everything became silent.
I clenched onto the recorder, wanting to throw it against the innocent window.
“Why do you do this to me?”
I could no longer swallow my tears. They kept dropping as I shook from sobbing.
I didn’t expect this to be easy, but I don’t get it. Every single damn time, why do you always have to say goodbye?
Retreating like this, I knew he still didn’t trust me.
Just because you love one another doesn’t automatically mean happiness either.
“I won’t…give up...”
The thought of actually letting you go…it makes the very core of my being shut down altogether.
*/*/*/*/*/00000
“This is the voicemail of Takahashi Ryousuke. Please leave your name, number, and message at the tone. Thank you very much and I will get back to you as soon as possible.”
Something wasn’t right. No matter what time I called, or whatever he was doing, he’d always answer.
I still got no response at the second try so I tried to contact Keisuke too. Luck wasn’t on my side because both of them weren’t picking up or replying to my emails even though I knew for sure they were not sleeping. It was relatively early for all of us.
“How weird…”
Gathering all the courage I could muster, I drove to Ryousuke’s house, but all the lights were off. I sighed and debated on going to the hospital. It was the only other place I could think of because of the stack of papers he’d had in the cabin.
I should’ve asked Tsugumi for her phone number.
After an hour of waiting, I decided to go to the hospital. On the way there, I dropped by a convenience store to see myself in the mirror and collect my distorted thoughts while buying a bottle of houjicha.
When I was at the main entrance, I slowly approached the front desk. The receptionist on night duty asked me to wait, but the expected page didn’t go through the hospital’s speakers. Instead, another staff member led me to the director’s office.
Mr. Takahashi sat behind a huge concave desk typing on his keyboard while Mrs. Takahashi stood next to him with a clipboard in her hands. The director looked at me with no qualms of implying my tedious presence was disturbing their work.
“Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Takahashi. I am sorry to bother you at this time of the day.”
Mrs. Takahashi slightly bowed her head forward while Mr. Takahashi gave me a curt, “Hello, Fujiwara. What seems to be the problem?”
“I would like to talk to Ryousuke-san.”
That strange feeling at the pit of my stomach turned over…
“He’s already on his flight as we speak.”
His what?
All the color drained from my face with every word he said.
He’s not here?
“Did he fail to mention to you that he was going to do internships overseas so that he could change our facilities? I just assumed you were the first to know about this.” He glanced at his computer screen dismissively.
“No, he never told me anything,” I replied monotonously.
Sand had taken over the insides of my mouth, his words dizzily working themselves into my brain.
“We came to a mutual agreement that if he left, I would no longer interfere with your life. So, he went off and when he returns, he will take over.”
Nothing came out from my mouth. His triumph solidified itself at my silence.
You would have threatened my father just because of your family troubles. All because I’m nothing but trash in your eyes?
I couldn’t decide if I was more disappointed or aggravated by Ryousuke’s decision.
I didn’t need you to do that for me!
“I won’t waste my time trying to understand your relationship with our son. What’s your true motive anyway? I won’t allow you to drag him down after all I’ve done to secure his future.”
“I’m not here to speak for Ryousuke-san’s choices, but I know if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have been able to see a better future for myself. I can’t have you damage all his hard work. The things he’s truly proud of.”
Suddenly, it felt like I’d discovered the missing pieces of my limited understanding of Ryousuke and Kaori’s relationship, why they’d been deeply attached to one another.
The extremeness of how they lived.
Before, I didn’t know how to relate.
“You’re just a child. You have no idea what will lie ahead from what you’re proposing.”
Ryousuke wasn’t here to defend me this time.
“You’re right, I don’t know about that. But what I do know? I will never lie to myself to fit what I’m ‘supposed to be’. And I’ll only let go of him when he tells me to do so.”
“Racing.” Mr. Takahashi drummed his fingers on his desk and then pushed both of his hands on its ledge. “I can’t believe until now, it has to be my adversary.”
The harsh glare towards his wife matched the shade of disdain in his voice. “I blame you for never getting rid of your collection.”
“I’ll do everything you ask, my dear,” his wife protested, digging her nails into the clipboard, “Everything, but that.”
Mr. Takahashi was about to retort back when we were interrupted by the intercom.
“I’ll take care of this,” his wife said as he rushed out.
I stepped aside as he coldly showed himself out of the room.
Mrs. Takahashi put the clipboard next to the keyboard and let out a deep sigh. Crossing her arms in front of her and with no bitterness in her tone, she pointed out, “You know it’s useless now. There is nothing you can do.”
The enigmatic figure approached the front of the red cherry desk. Her grave expression remained unchanged. “But here you are to remind me that there’s no such thing as coincidence.”
What does she mean by that?
“I only came to say thank you to Ryousuke-san because he repaired my car. You may laugh at me, Mrs. Takahashi, but that car means more than my life.”
It connects everything in my world.
I took a step forward. “So please tell me how can I reach him.”
Because I don’t know how. He won’t let me.
“How can I trust you? Your relationship alone automatically implies he will be shunned by society.” She leaned onto the desk.
“I know that.”
Uncrossing her arms, she continued to press the questions that were whirling in my head. “If word gets around, it will ruin both of your reputations and careers.”
“I’m aware of that too.”
Mrs. Takahashi’s heels tapped softly on the floor until she stood before me. “Even with all that, would you give up racing or Ryousuke?”
Her eyes searched deeply into me and I had to admit, I was a little taken aback.
“They are the same to me. Without Ryousuke, there is no racing.”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“No matter how many times you ask, I will always choose Ryousuke-san. Always.”
“How can you be so sure of your answer?”
“Because he bet on me, didn’t he?”
Because he gave me everything that I am now…
Because I don’t want to give up on myself anymore.
I don’t want to lose so I have to protect it. Racing, his brother, and myself…
This is where we can find our piece of freedom.
“Words are empty no matter how much the heart knows they’re true.”
Swallowing hard, I clenched my right hand and then my left one. Slowly getting down one knee at a time, her eyes opened wide. Opening my hands to push against the ground, I lowered my head to the floor. “I promise you I won’t let go of him unless he throws me away. Until that time comes, I will stay with him.”
There were so many times in my life I regretted never expressing what I really wanted. In those small failures, I still held my breath whenever I thought about them.
I’d cut off my pride and my ego if I could gain his trust.
“Answering like that…” She went down on one knee to pat my shoulder and grab my arm so that I could stand up. “It is no wonder he...”
She didn’t finish her thought.
The stiffness in her manner melted away as she squeezed my arm. After she let go, she then pushed away the loose strands of hair that had fallen across her face. “Who would have thought I’d meet Seiko-san’s son like this?”
“You know my mother?”
Even more subtle than her oldest son, her eyes half closed, eyelashes lowered, and then went up again in response.
“I’ll explain everything to you, but not here. Tomorrow, I’ll go to Shibukawa Station at 6am. If you choose to meet me there, I’ll tell you then.”
I was getting ready to leave Gunma the day after tomorrow, right? But it didn’t seem to matter now.
“Yes.”
She followed me into the parking lot. At seeing the ’86, Mrs. Takahashi’s fingertips gently reached for its metallic surface. Her hand was like a flower, holding her fingers like a bud until they spread out slowly over the black hood, sweeping it in a half-circle motion. All the while, her eyes, if they could, kissed the ’86 lovingly. “It’s nice to see you again.”
Momentarily, the hint of tenderness faded into sorrow.
Who is this woman?
Lost in the moment, when she turned her head, Mrs. Takahashi opened her mouth about call to someone else…
…because I swear she looked almost shocked to see me there.
*/*/*/*/*/00000
Itsuki and I had breakfast together at Gasto, which was four blocks away from the front of the station. Over eggs, sausage, toast, and hash browns, we talked about Hakone. I listened to his enthusiastic, yet half-sleepy praises of how they had chosen the best spot near the end of the course. They had a perfect view of how I overtook Ryousuke, and Itsuki glowed at how he’d been the one to get it on his phone. Then, he switched to how our sempais were over the moon at finally being able to see Ryousuke on an uphill with his own brother. When he finally started to eat, I was almost finished so I told him about how the Rotary Brothers each pushed their limits.
Temporarily, the noose of all my anxieties loosened.
It didn’t seem fair though to always run to Itsuki whenever things became too much for me.
We still had some time so when he sat in the car, I put my arm out. “Don’t put your seatbelt on yet.”
“Okay.” He looked over at me as I breathed in a large amount of air and let it out slowly.
“Thanks for picking me up even though I messaged you so late.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
I found myself watching my lap. “Even if you’re my best friend, I shouldn’t take advantage of you just because.”
“If it were me, I know you’d do it. That’s why I don’t think twice.”
“I know…” I faced him and looked him straight in the eye. “…but I need to tell you why the Impreza’s parked in front of the house.”
“You don’t have to. I know you’ll tell me eventually.”
No…I want it to be fair…I have to learn. You shouldn’t always be waiting for me just because I can’t deal with things.
“Dad brought the ’86 for the tofu rounds.”
“What? The ’86?! Wasn’t it being repaired? Isn’t that what you told me?”
“Yesterday, I picked it up with Matsumoto-san.” My nails pressed into my jeans. “Ryousuke was the one who repaired it.”
Itsuki’s jaw dropped. Stupefied, he opened and closed his eyes several times, but didn’t move.
“And he didn’t just ‘fix it’. He restored it to showroom condition. To the time my dad was still battling with it. It was his way of thanking me for Project D, but he and Dad…”
They got the car done without me knowing.
The scroll of thoughts that rushed through me instantly halted. All the clashing words dissipated the moment I was forced to accept that Ryousuke was nowhere near. My blood turned cold.
Itsuki’s hands reached out for my collar. “What the hell are you doing here with me then?!”
I was at a loss on what to say.
I couldn’t talk with my dad last night. And when I called Ryousuke, he didn’t pick up. He’s out of Gunma.
“I don’t know where he is. That’s why I came here to find out.”
I didn’t have the strength to talk anymore.
He let go of me, the misery on my face speaking for itself.
Since it was almost time, he drove me down to the station. But when he dropped me off, I opened my arms to give him a big hug. “Itsuki…Thanks for sticking with me even when I’m like this.”
While letting go, he was shaking his head at me. After rubbing his eyes, he hit the top of my head. “You dummy. You don’t have to tell me. I already know.”
The turmoil couldn’t stop the small grin that came to my face. “Later.”
“See you, Takumi.”
The Levin went up the small slope and my eyes roamed around the station. Parked to one side of it, a hand waved at me from a silver 1992 Honda NSX-R. For some reason, I had some vague sense of recognition…
While walking towards her, I thought of my dad.
Since he was already sleeping when I arrived, I’d left a note on the table saying, “I brought the ’86 back.”
Upset as I was with him, there was absolutely no point in asking the obvious.
“Hello,” I greeted when I pulled the handle of the door.
“You came,” she answered, looking relieved to see me in the seat next to hers.
I was more than unnerved. The sense of dread that started at the hospital returned in full force as soon as we drove, almost making me want to vomit the little I’d eaten.
It didn’t help that in the back of my mind, both Ryousuke and Keisuke hadn’t returned my phone calls and here I was with their mother. Within 12 hours time, she’d done a complete 180 and I wasn’t sure if I could trust her, considering her and her husband’s track record with me.
But she knows my mom.
Others had stayed away from the subject, but she looked like she’d been waiting to tell about it all along.
“For whatever reason, thank you for coming.”
“Where exactly are we headed?”
“We’re going into Tokyo to see my close friend. He’s the only one who can help you get to Ryousuke right now.”
She refused to look at me and I didn’t even have a hint of what was happening. Thoughtlessly, I blurted out, “Why are you helping me? I thought you were disgusted with me.”
“No…I don’t feel that way at all.”
The light murmur of some melody played on the morning radio.
“You have a stronger will than me so I can trust you with him.”
I couldn’t help but stare at the woman in her dark pinkish blouse with her white suit buttoned right at the center. Her French tip nails and the pearl white of her heels mismatched her fluid way of driving when she entered into the expressway after paying the toll.
One by one, she smoothly passed each car before us as if we were only playing a video game, even reaching out to put in a cd into the player while changing lanes. If I hadn’t been watching, I wouldn’t have believed it. She converged the two styles of her sons, and they’d each split her technique down the middle: Meticulous elegance mixed with fiery playfulness.
“The boys used to love this game when they were little.”
That’s right. Just like my parents with me, they had watched her.
Sometimes, her driving reminded me of being with my dad, but more on the carefully timed and less on the hopelessly thoughtless.
Except for Purple Shadow, I hadn’t observed other drivers my father’s age. It wasn’t quite like the way we drove now. Was it experience, the cars, or their generation that made the contrast visible?
Is that why he keeps telling me I can’t catch up anytime soon?
“You won’t betray them. That’s all that matters to me in regards to my two sons.”
She spoke in spirals. Elusive yet definite. I really didn’t know what to make of it.
In this way, she and Ryousuke were truly identical.
“How old are you now?”
“I’ll be turning 20 soon.”
“And is your father all right?”
“He’s the same as always.”
She held a relaxed expression on her face as she commented, “That’s good to know.”
“How do you know my parents?”
“Actually, your father doesn’t know me even if I know him.”
Her profile erased all evidence of the smile that had been there moments before. All that was left was anguish.
“I’ve never told anyone this. I thought I would carry this to the grave with me, but I guess that’s not possible anymore.” Mrs. Takahashi briefly looked at me for the first time since I’d sat down in the car. “Please promise me never to tell anyone, especially my family or your father.”
“I promise.”
Her gentle plead...
Am I going to regret coming?
“When I was a freshman in college, I got into F1 racing. Since I couldn’t go to the races because of my study schedule, I’d heard that people were racing locally. Back then, having girls come by themselves to that type of thing was next to none. I was really rare because I was interested in designing car engines. Of course, in any circumstance, I was labeled a delinquent.”
Keisuke…
“But after the first summer race on Akagi, I started talking to one girl because she was the only other female in the sea of onlookers. I was so happy to find a new friend because for the most part, she’d never heard about me, and she was only in high school. I don’t know why, but she thought I was the same age as her too. I didn’t deny it and even when she found out two months later, she wasn’t upset about it.
“We enjoyed talking about the drivers who were around and I casually began to race behind my parents’ backs. Most of the time, I was helping behind the scenes with any mechanical problems so that’s how I got accepted into the group. Actually, I still keep in touch with them until this day.
“In the autumn of that same year, when I was talking to her at the starting line, she said she had to go. I realized that she was the contender so I panicked. I was scared if she could race with so little experience. But all my worries were in vain. Anyone who saw her that night knew she was one of those people who could go farther than the mountains.”
She took her right hand off the steering wheel and put it on her lap. “I knew one day her talent would lead her into a different direction. That would be the line that life would divide between us.
“The next evening after that race, she brought me to her home course. As she sped down her road, even the twists felt like ‘her’. Not only was I bewitched, I forgot all my troubles. I could just be ‘me’ without all the strings that came with my family name. The longer I sat there, my admiration grew because she was so dazzling and skilled with the very thing I held very dear to my heart. At the end of the run, she didn’t explain why she’d brought me there. Nor did I tell her what I thought because she leaned over to kiss me.”
I didn’t know how to respond.
“I was her mechanic for a year and a half. With that, I had also become her lover.” Both of her hands moved the steering wheel back and forth, threading through like a swimmer who could gauge the current and know how much force to use. All the while, it all appeared so natural that the gravity of her words deepened her movements.
Driving was both her pain and her pleasure.
“But my parents found out about the racing. And how I had spent my money, though I had earned it myself, on her races. I was forbidden to see my team or race ever again because I was the designated heir to the main family of our bloodline. Our family had been in this profession since the Meiji Period so there was no way they’d forfeit the first hospital they’d established. My grandfather had enough capital to open it in the Taisho period, surviving everything in between.
“From that time on, I was banned from going anywhere besides the university and our hospital. I was monitored all the time so there was no way I could even tell my friends why I’d disappeared. They probably found out about me from the local newspaper because we were able to exchange letters. But as expected, I’d lost contact with her.
“During that time, I was introduced to a nice young man. He was hardworking and had paid his way through school. I honestly didn’t know what he saw in me, but he tried to win me over any way he could. At first I was suspicious of him, but he passionately wanted to help others and worked his way up the administration ranks.
“Even when he knew that there was someone else I was always looking for, after three years of persistence, I finally turned his way. And while I’d never said anything about my past, he bore a grudge against my obsession over racing the entire time we’ve been together.”
Despondent as if talking to herself, she continued with her eyes turning red, “Through one of the members of the team, they admitted to me that the girl had gotten a boyfriend. He later became her husband.
“But you know what the ironic thing is? Years after she’d moved away and I stayed in my hometown, she showed up at my hospital. My parents had already passed away by then and she asked me to treat her if I could.
“At that time though, we didn’t have the technology so all I could do was prolong the inevitable. When it became too much for her to come to me, I recommended for her to go to her local hospital. It was only on the contingency that I come there as a visiting doctor.”
No tears fell.
“The problem began when she was asked to do an anniversary commercial. Even though she’d trained her body, the sudden jolt while racing had caused a concussion. The severity of that injury was undetected and it was later discovered that she’d suffered some kind of brain trauma.
“In the end, her body couldn’t take it, but she wanted to live out her life naturally. She was really stubborn like that. And so, I watched her deteriorate before my eyes.
“Even though I was her main doctor, there was always another doctor who explained everything to her family. Her husband knew nothing about our history, and I just couldn’t face him.
“When she passed away, I didn’t attend her funeral. I was in denial for a very long time, but I visited her grave every year on the day we’d met. After all, I couldn’t let her go.”
Ryousuke and Keisuke have no idea how much she really understands their thoughts…
“So it’s hard for me to look at you.” Her eyes squinted as she gave a smile filled with forlorn nostalgia. “You’re so similar to Seiko-san in more ways than one.”
“Mother…”
The one she’d loved was my mother.
Of all the people who would make me understand the truth…
All at once, the scattered segments of my memories came back to me.
“When is mommy coming back from her trip?”
She began to pack a small bag. “Where are you going? Why can’t you be at home?”
“When are you coming home, Mommy?” I cried into exhaustion in her arms after throwing my green crayon into the hospital wall.
At the viewing, when we were alone, my dad hugged me from behind as I touched her hands. “Why are you sleeping here?”
“I…”
I felt paralyzed. What Ryousuke said, his mother’s words…
The truth about my parents through her eyes…
For an hour, we were absolutely quiet as the music lightly played between us.
The sun was shining to the point I flipped the visor up and she put on her sunglasses. Speeding along the Kanetsu Expressway, the amount of cars increased as we got further into the capital, especially into Shinjuku. The humidity became stifling the more we met crowds waiting for a rendezvous, fashion bargains, and mid-day drinking spurts on Chuo Doori.
“I hope you understand me now. I followed what their father wanted because I love him, and I know he means well despite everything. It’s hard to believe that my own children followed my path though I tried so hard for them to avoid it. That’s why I couldn’t scold Keisuke or Ryousuke as I should have because I was the exact same way. I didn’t give up on them, but to tell them…and their father…
“It would break my husband’s heart if I said the truth, but it’d break mine if I had to give her away all over again. I just can’t...”
“Is that why you kept those videotapes? Ryousuke converted them and I saw some.”
She nodded. “In the early days, I was the one who recorded her battles. When Save was formed, my former teammates took them and sent me the originals for safe keeping.”
How many times had she seen them? And what did she think while watching my father and mother together?
Of course, I had no right to ask.
Tsuzuku…/To be continued…
--
Author’s note: I don’t know why, but while viewing Initial D, there was a part of me that wondered how, why, and where did Ryousuke and Keisuke’s talent come from? Suddenly from writing about those old tapes (chapter 3?), I had a vague image of Mrs. Takahashi and Takumi’s mom knowing each other. The result (this chapter) turned out to be more intricate than I’d envisioned. But personally, even if it’s for myself, it gave me a sense of closure too.
To me, in this chapter alone, it’s like diving back in time to rediscover those feelings of falling in love for the first time. Over and over with different kinds of people and things. And honestly, I quivered at the initial thought of that very prospect. So, I pushed the fic aside, not wanting to rush through just because I wasn’t sure…was it right to go there? Would I be okay with that? Did I want to think about them again?
Why…
And in the end, years later, it’s okay to look back once in a while. It’s a precious feeling. I wanted to preserve that.
I wrote this chapter over and over, but now, I’m spent, squeezed to the last drop. And with it, I cannot believe we've come to the end in the next chapter. *holds fic close* I really can’t believe it. The last time I wrote this much, it took a year. Ah, thank you Initial D for being here all these years.
Hope you enjoyed the read because I thoroughly loved writing this chapter.
Love,
Yui
10/16/2016 4:11 PM – Los Angeles
10/17/2016 8:11 AM - Tokyo
