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yui_miyamotoFandom: Final Fantasy VII
Title: Only an indiscretion.
Pairing: Tseng + Aerith
Rating: G
Description: Without knowing, Reno plays a melody that Tseng didn’t ever want to recall.
Disclaimer – Final Fantasy VII belongs to Square Enix. We are just obsessed with it so that’s why we’re here.
“There must be
Something about you,
A magic that overwhelms me.
I’m lost in a room
with all my scattered emotions.
Directionless, your wind
swirls around me
An inescapable hurricane…
The mirrors of my selves face me,
I’ve never doubted myself before-
It’s only an indiscretion,
A slight lapse of judgment.
What have you done?
When did I start thinking
I couldn’t live without you?
The seduction of gentleness
Flirting without any meaning to,
More dangerous than any
drug on the planet,
What did I mean to you?
Your voice shouts through my veins,
My self-image breaks the faster
it tears right through my heart,
Calling out silently for you.
It’s only an indiscretion,
A slight lapse of judgment
Where have I gone?
When did you start turning
your gaze towards me?
Malice behind our appearances,
Icicle words trained to
hit their target every time,
minor assassinations of the heart,
Tell me,
did I mean anything to you?”
“Turn that off. Now.”
Startled, Reno immediately turns off his phone, which had been playing in the office since the boss had stepped out with Elena.
But when he blinks at him, he couldn’t help but feel the menacing vibes radiating from the front of the office, the dark figure sitting down in front of his computer.
“Huh. Never thought he listened to music in the first place,” Reno thought, giving a glance at Rude who slightly shrugs his shoulders at the sudden drop of temperature in the room.
It is only one of the few times the boss’s well-guarded armor ever voluntarily showed its dents.
Only an indiscretion.
By Miyamoto Yui
As if clockwork, he knew exactly where his folly began.
It was an unusually bright spring day under the steel skies. He sighed at the absurdity that allowed him, out of obligation and a sense of professional competition, to permit himself to take the mission. To be honest, gentleness was not his cup of tea. His placidity made him a prime candidate for deceit, but a sword, no matter how quiet, is never far from striking down opponents when given the chance.
Mentally perturbed, he jumped down from the ropes of the company helicopter and onto the grassland that surrounded Midgar, a little ways from the gate that led to Sector 5. Dusting himself off, he walked across the uneven rocky surface, daring anyone to stop him from going straight to the gate.
With his key, the door opened and he found himself again in the metal darkness. It was easy to digest from his office, high above the slums. The windows of the main building were too far to reach the dinginess, blocking the sun where it naturally should have touched, depriving many things from growing.
He walked onward, the dust puffing and settling on his shoes. At that moment, children with no parents around were running and playing. They spotted him: A suit in their hometown. It was more than out of place.
When they turned to run away, one had the audacity to spit at the ground and throw mud at his face, shouting, “Leave us alone!”
The young man let out a disgruntled sigh, wiping the dirt caked onto his face and flecking it to the side. It would be too easy to point and shoot, gone with a single bullet. But what a waste of money. After all, it was not the first and certainly not the last time he’d heard it.
It made a small smirk appear on his face though.
Reminds me of some kid in the office.
Maybe that was why he’d let it go. The child had guts.
About to pass the church, he heard a muffled cry coming from inside. He was going to dismiss it, but the church itself made him curious. It was a remnant of a world that used to believe in magic, a hope wrapped in faith.
When he pushed on the door, it creaked. It didn’t matter to the girl in the middle of the small garden. Her ears were closed within her sobs.
“Mommy! Mommy!” she kept weeping aloud.
Her hands touched the petals carefully, but tears kept on watering the lush green around her.
Aerith...
A hole from the ceiling illuminated her kneeling figure. Particles floated around her small figure, as if the sun were trying to embrace her.
He was more intrigued by the yellow flowers that surrounded her. As he stepped closer towards her, he knelt on one knee, taking off one of his gloves, only to find that it was soft and pliable. It was real.
The only patch of life in this decrepit place.
Had he ever touched one before? He wasn’t sure. Even the synthesized ones were so close that no one could tell the difference anymore. Then again, there were too few to compare.
The little girl looked up, but somehow was not fazed to see him there. Wordlessly, the anger rose, and he saw it stream from her feet to her chest until it made her face grimace in a stony stare. There was no point in asking why he was there. She knew why.
Even though her mouth was closed, the tears still dripped down her chin.
But despite that, she reached out for his cheeks. This made Tseng lean back and twitch from the softness of her palms. She peered around his face as his eyes looked sideways. Frigid as ever, his expression remained unchanged.
I told you the truth, so shouldn’t you hate me?
“Wait here.”
Aerith ran to the back with boards creaking until the sound of a faucet was heard. It stopped and she was on her way back. Cupping her left hand on his cheek, she began to scrub the mud from his face.
Protesting, he tried to stand up. “You needn’t do that.”
Stubbornly, she eyed him as if to say, “You owe me.”
He took a long deep breath as she avoided his eyes and cleaned his face with her soft pink handkerchief. Then, her fingers ran through his hair, taking out the flecks that were beginning to harden. Nails grazed against his scalp. Not even his parents had been this affectionate to him. Of course, everyone else was afraid of him.
Obviously, she didn’t. He realized that she scorned his job, but wasn’t scared of him at all.
That certainly cracked a little of his pride.
He didn’t know what to do. Adults were easy to handle. Rationalizations, flattery, or whatever type of payment was needed to get what he wanted from someone was easy, but children? They could see through you like a window with no filters.
But now she was staring at him. “Please don’t tell that I was crying here.”
Worry encompassed her face.
She’s more concerned about breaking her new guardian’s heart than of hating me?
The conundrums this girl pressed into his mind, each one a puzzle deeper than the last, embedded further with each visit. Her compassion seemed fathomless.
Looking straight back at her, he answered, “I won’t.”
She smiled at him briefly in relief and thanks. And in a blink, it was gone.
+/+/+/+
When he got back, the president made him walk to the edge of the helipad. They were looking down at the thousands of dwellings below them, a wild mesh of metal against straw and wood, neither fitting nicely with one another.
The sun was high with the wind brushing against their skin, smooth and cool. Looking out, President Shinra folded his hands behind him. His deep, rumbling voice admonished him immediately, “Almost a year and still no progress?”
“We cannot force her. The agreement is that she come willfully.”
“That’s what you were supposed to do. At least get information that leads her to tell how we can achieve the Promised Land.”
Tseng stared into the president’s back, and then at the hand that grappled onto his wrist tightly.
He’s really angry. But what did he expect?
“You think that you were assigned to this because you’re the most level-headed one? Think again. Out of every single one of the Turks, didn’t I hand pick you? Do you know why that is?”
He hadn’t known about that. Actually, for being a new recruit, he was wondering how he’d been given this high profile assignment so early on.
“You’re rigid.”
What does that mean?
“You don’t seem the type that would give up.”
“No, Sir.”
“You misunderstand. What I meant is that even to your last breath, you would never give into anything. Even if it meant your own demise.” He then gestured for him to stand next to him.
The wind suddenly blew, slapping their faces. The clashing of heated conversations, the arteries of sinewy streets, the sparking of the atmosphere ready to explode, the city below seemed ready to engulf them whole.
“We’re on the road to hell together.”
Without looking at him, the president chuckled darkly, “But before that, get us to paradise first.”
Tseng was promoted a few months later.
+/+/+/+
Years later, he stepped into his apartment. Without turning on the lights, he slipped to the floor and leaned his back onto the door without even bothering to lock it. The darkness surrounded him. Occasionally, from somewhere far away, he heard garbled words and footsteps, somehow solidifying his foothold in this reality. Barely.
He stared at the floor listlessly.
You can stay in the company. But you have failed.
Tseng took a deep breath, and a slow numbness starts to take over his whole body.
Take care of her for me, will you?
Wasn’t that what I was doing all this time?
Madness rapidly seized his nerves, and for the first time in a long time, his heart was beating at a speed as if his ribs were brittle. Still even now, his face looked on, unmoved.
Closing his eyes shut, he still couldn’t stop reality in its tracks. Thoughts had been fighting for space in his mind, but the images kept cutting through, squeezing further and further.
Zack Fair has passed away.
Then, he remembered the letters in his hands. Eighty-eight of them were still stacked, pushing into his right palm. Squeezing them, he tried to make a fist.
His failure. His jealousy.
In one swift moment, he knew he’d lost everything.
He got up and all the emotions he pretended he didn’t have, merged into the blackness around him. His ears rang and then he threw all the letters in front of him. They fluttered to the floor like broken feathers hitting the floor under the moonlight.
By then, he heard nothing but silence.
Tseng finally looked to the floor only to realize the water at his feet.
+/+/+/+
“What are you doing here?”
Aerith silently shook her head as she sat on the rickety chair beside his bed.
He was paralyzed though. Tiredly, he stared at her face as she stroked his hair, the beams of light streaming around her like it always did.
I thought we’d never meet outside the Temple of the Ancients. He then realized his mouth wouldn’t open and she wasn’t willing to speak.
Again, Aerith wiped his face tenderly, her fingers pressing onto his cheeks so he knew he was conscious.
So I didn’t die after all?
She rested her right hand on his bandaged head.
I didn’t mean to blame you at the temple.
Placing a finger on her lips to shush him, she shakes her head as if she can read his mind. Aerith continued to run her fingers through his hair again, brushing his bangs to the sides. She even pushed on the dot on his forehead and smiled down at him.
He started to become drowsy, blinking slowly, but made sure to look at her until the heaviness of his eyelids wouldn’t allow him to. When he finally did, she whispered into his ear,
“Even when everything was gone, you were the one consistent thing in my life. Didn’t you know that, Tseng?”
Opening his eyes, he found himself looking up at the bland ceiling of the hospital. And without anyone asking or telling him, he knew that Aerith had returned to the Lifestream.
Outside these walls, a radio was blaring a dance tune with a woman singing,
“It’s only an indiscretion,
A slight lapse of judgment.
What have you done?
When did I start thinking
I couldn’t live without you?
The seduction of gentleness
Flirting without any meaning to,
More dangerous than any
drug on the planet,
What did I mean to you?
Your voice shouts through my veins,
My self-image breaks the faster
it tears right through my heart,
Calling out silently for you…”
Tears ran down the sides of his face.
Owari. / The End.
Author’s note: It’s so funny that I have loved FF7 for a long time, even being the only girl to stand in line at one electronics store for an FF7 limited edition psp years ago in Tokyo, but had only written one shounen-ai fic with Cloud and Sephiroth. But it was for Kingdom Hearts.
Now I can’t stop the flood of ideas coming from wherever. I’ve been intrigued by the leader of the Turks, but never thought I’d find myself writing about him 23 years later.
Why did you make me cry, Tseng?
Love,
Yui
5/29/2020 10:45:56 PM – Los Angeles
5/30/2020 2:45:56 PM – Tokyo
Title: Only an indiscretion.
Pairing: Tseng + Aerith
Rating: G
Description: Without knowing, Reno plays a melody that Tseng didn’t ever want to recall.
Disclaimer – Final Fantasy VII belongs to Square Enix. We are just obsessed with it so that’s why we’re here.
Something about you,
A magic that overwhelms me.
I’m lost in a room
with all my scattered emotions.
Directionless, your wind
swirls around me
An inescapable hurricane…
The mirrors of my selves face me,
I’ve never doubted myself before-
It’s only an indiscretion,
A slight lapse of judgment.
What have you done?
When did I start thinking
I couldn’t live without you?
The seduction of gentleness
Flirting without any meaning to,
More dangerous than any
drug on the planet,
What did I mean to you?
Your voice shouts through my veins,
My self-image breaks the faster
it tears right through my heart,
Calling out silently for you.
It’s only an indiscretion,
A slight lapse of judgment
Where have I gone?
When did you start turning
your gaze towards me?
Malice behind our appearances,
Icicle words trained to
hit their target every time,
minor assassinations of the heart,
Tell me,
did I mean anything to you?”
“Turn that off. Now.”
Startled, Reno immediately turns off his phone, which had been playing in the office since the boss had stepped out with Elena.
But when he blinks at him, he couldn’t help but feel the menacing vibes radiating from the front of the office, the dark figure sitting down in front of his computer.
“Huh. Never thought he listened to music in the first place,” Reno thought, giving a glance at Rude who slightly shrugs his shoulders at the sudden drop of temperature in the room.
It is only one of the few times the boss’s well-guarded armor ever voluntarily showed its dents.
Only an indiscretion.
By Miyamoto Yui
As if clockwork, he knew exactly where his folly began.
It was an unusually bright spring day under the steel skies. He sighed at the absurdity that allowed him, out of obligation and a sense of professional competition, to permit himself to take the mission. To be honest, gentleness was not his cup of tea. His placidity made him a prime candidate for deceit, but a sword, no matter how quiet, is never far from striking down opponents when given the chance.
Mentally perturbed, he jumped down from the ropes of the company helicopter and onto the grassland that surrounded Midgar, a little ways from the gate that led to Sector 5. Dusting himself off, he walked across the uneven rocky surface, daring anyone to stop him from going straight to the gate.
With his key, the door opened and he found himself again in the metal darkness. It was easy to digest from his office, high above the slums. The windows of the main building were too far to reach the dinginess, blocking the sun where it naturally should have touched, depriving many things from growing.
He walked onward, the dust puffing and settling on his shoes. At that moment, children with no parents around were running and playing. They spotted him: A suit in their hometown. It was more than out of place.
When they turned to run away, one had the audacity to spit at the ground and throw mud at his face, shouting, “Leave us alone!”
The young man let out a disgruntled sigh, wiping the dirt caked onto his face and flecking it to the side. It would be too easy to point and shoot, gone with a single bullet. But what a waste of money. After all, it was not the first and certainly not the last time he’d heard it.
It made a small smirk appear on his face though.
Reminds me of some kid in the office.
Maybe that was why he’d let it go. The child had guts.
About to pass the church, he heard a muffled cry coming from inside. He was going to dismiss it, but the church itself made him curious. It was a remnant of a world that used to believe in magic, a hope wrapped in faith.
When he pushed on the door, it creaked. It didn’t matter to the girl in the middle of the small garden. Her ears were closed within her sobs.
“Mommy! Mommy!” she kept weeping aloud.
Her hands touched the petals carefully, but tears kept on watering the lush green around her.
Aerith...
A hole from the ceiling illuminated her kneeling figure. Particles floated around her small figure, as if the sun were trying to embrace her.
He was more intrigued by the yellow flowers that surrounded her. As he stepped closer towards her, he knelt on one knee, taking off one of his gloves, only to find that it was soft and pliable. It was real.
The only patch of life in this decrepit place.
Had he ever touched one before? He wasn’t sure. Even the synthesized ones were so close that no one could tell the difference anymore. Then again, there were too few to compare.
The little girl looked up, but somehow was not fazed to see him there. Wordlessly, the anger rose, and he saw it stream from her feet to her chest until it made her face grimace in a stony stare. There was no point in asking why he was there. She knew why.
Even though her mouth was closed, the tears still dripped down her chin.
But despite that, she reached out for his cheeks. This made Tseng lean back and twitch from the softness of her palms. She peered around his face as his eyes looked sideways. Frigid as ever, his expression remained unchanged.
I told you the truth, so shouldn’t you hate me?
“Wait here.”
Aerith ran to the back with boards creaking until the sound of a faucet was heard. It stopped and she was on her way back. Cupping her left hand on his cheek, she began to scrub the mud from his face.
Protesting, he tried to stand up. “You needn’t do that.”
Stubbornly, she eyed him as if to say, “You owe me.”
He took a long deep breath as she avoided his eyes and cleaned his face with her soft pink handkerchief. Then, her fingers ran through his hair, taking out the flecks that were beginning to harden. Nails grazed against his scalp. Not even his parents had been this affectionate to him. Of course, everyone else was afraid of him.
Obviously, she didn’t. He realized that she scorned his job, but wasn’t scared of him at all.
That certainly cracked a little of his pride.
He didn’t know what to do. Adults were easy to handle. Rationalizations, flattery, or whatever type of payment was needed to get what he wanted from someone was easy, but children? They could see through you like a window with no filters.
But now she was staring at him. “Please don’t tell that I was crying here.”
Worry encompassed her face.
She’s more concerned about breaking her new guardian’s heart than of hating me?
The conundrums this girl pressed into his mind, each one a puzzle deeper than the last, embedded further with each visit. Her compassion seemed fathomless.
Looking straight back at her, he answered, “I won’t.”
She smiled at him briefly in relief and thanks. And in a blink, it was gone.
+/+/+/+
When he got back, the president made him walk to the edge of the helipad. They were looking down at the thousands of dwellings below them, a wild mesh of metal against straw and wood, neither fitting nicely with one another.
The sun was high with the wind brushing against their skin, smooth and cool. Looking out, President Shinra folded his hands behind him. His deep, rumbling voice admonished him immediately, “Almost a year and still no progress?”
“We cannot force her. The agreement is that she come willfully.”
“That’s what you were supposed to do. At least get information that leads her to tell how we can achieve the Promised Land.”
Tseng stared into the president’s back, and then at the hand that grappled onto his wrist tightly.
He’s really angry. But what did he expect?
“You think that you were assigned to this because you’re the most level-headed one? Think again. Out of every single one of the Turks, didn’t I hand pick you? Do you know why that is?”
He hadn’t known about that. Actually, for being a new recruit, he was wondering how he’d been given this high profile assignment so early on.
“You’re rigid.”
What does that mean?
“You don’t seem the type that would give up.”
“No, Sir.”
“You misunderstand. What I meant is that even to your last breath, you would never give into anything. Even if it meant your own demise.” He then gestured for him to stand next to him.
The wind suddenly blew, slapping their faces. The clashing of heated conversations, the arteries of sinewy streets, the sparking of the atmosphere ready to explode, the city below seemed ready to engulf them whole.
“We’re on the road to hell together.”
Without looking at him, the president chuckled darkly, “But before that, get us to paradise first.”
Tseng was promoted a few months later.
+/+/+/+
Years later, he stepped into his apartment. Without turning on the lights, he slipped to the floor and leaned his back onto the door without even bothering to lock it. The darkness surrounded him. Occasionally, from somewhere far away, he heard garbled words and footsteps, somehow solidifying his foothold in this reality. Barely.
He stared at the floor listlessly.
You can stay in the company. But you have failed.
Tseng took a deep breath, and a slow numbness starts to take over his whole body.
Take care of her for me, will you?
Wasn’t that what I was doing all this time?
Madness rapidly seized his nerves, and for the first time in a long time, his heart was beating at a speed as if his ribs were brittle. Still even now, his face looked on, unmoved.
Closing his eyes shut, he still couldn’t stop reality in its tracks. Thoughts had been fighting for space in his mind, but the images kept cutting through, squeezing further and further.
Zack Fair has passed away.
Then, he remembered the letters in his hands. Eighty-eight of them were still stacked, pushing into his right palm. Squeezing them, he tried to make a fist.
His failure. His jealousy.
In one swift moment, he knew he’d lost everything.
He got up and all the emotions he pretended he didn’t have, merged into the blackness around him. His ears rang and then he threw all the letters in front of him. They fluttered to the floor like broken feathers hitting the floor under the moonlight.
By then, he heard nothing but silence.
Tseng finally looked to the floor only to realize the water at his feet.
+/+/+/+
“What are you doing here?”
Aerith silently shook her head as she sat on the rickety chair beside his bed.
He was paralyzed though. Tiredly, he stared at her face as she stroked his hair, the beams of light streaming around her like it always did.
I thought we’d never meet outside the Temple of the Ancients. He then realized his mouth wouldn’t open and she wasn’t willing to speak.
Again, Aerith wiped his face tenderly, her fingers pressing onto his cheeks so he knew he was conscious.
So I didn’t die after all?
She rested her right hand on his bandaged head.
I didn’t mean to blame you at the temple.
Placing a finger on her lips to shush him, she shakes her head as if she can read his mind. Aerith continued to run her fingers through his hair again, brushing his bangs to the sides. She even pushed on the dot on his forehead and smiled down at him.
He started to become drowsy, blinking slowly, but made sure to look at her until the heaviness of his eyelids wouldn’t allow him to. When he finally did, she whispered into his ear,
“Even when everything was gone, you were the one consistent thing in my life. Didn’t you know that, Tseng?”
Opening his eyes, he found himself looking up at the bland ceiling of the hospital. And without anyone asking or telling him, he knew that Aerith had returned to the Lifestream.
Outside these walls, a radio was blaring a dance tune with a woman singing,
“It’s only an indiscretion,
A slight lapse of judgment.
What have you done?
When did I start thinking
I couldn’t live without you?
The seduction of gentleness
Flirting without any meaning to,
More dangerous than any
drug on the planet,
What did I mean to you?
Your voice shouts through my veins,
My self-image breaks the faster
it tears right through my heart,
Calling out silently for you…”
Tears ran down the sides of his face.
Owari. / The End.
Author’s note: It’s so funny that I have loved FF7 for a long time, even being the only girl to stand in line at one electronics store for an FF7 limited edition psp years ago in Tokyo, but had only written one shounen-ai fic with Cloud and Sephiroth. But it was for Kingdom Hearts.
Now I can’t stop the flood of ideas coming from wherever. I’ve been intrigued by the leader of the Turks, but never thought I’d find myself writing about him 23 years later.
Why did you make me cry, Tseng?
Love,
Yui
5/29/2020 10:45:56 PM – Los Angeles
5/30/2020 2:45:56 PM – Tokyo
