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yui_miyamotoFandom: Clover / クローバー
Title: imitation life
Pairing: Gingetsu + Lan
Rating: PG
Description: Lan is running out of time, but can he say goodbye to Gingetsu?
Disclaimer - Clover is by Clamp.
imitation life
By miyamoto yui
While looking at the marauding pile of wires intersecting above my head and beyond this window belonging to that of the “outside”, I began to forget where everything went. Too many things were processing in my head, but I couldn’t comprehend the immense amount of capacity which passed through me.
At this, my body twitched.
My bony fingers pushed upon the glass as I pasted my cheek onto it. While my warmth was being sucked away by the cold window, I pressed myself against it , my tired eyes were fascinated with the drops of clear color which seemed to paint the Earth with its gloominess, as if making everyone colorblind with its ever-spreading grayness.
I was shivering as the coldness penetrated into my body like an unwanted lover’s passage. And yet, I continued to stand there half-naked, wanting to feel the invasion of iciness that filled the air.
He was gone right now. If not, I would have been scolded by now for subjecting myself to such idiocy with the silence in between his lips.
My eyes then loomed over the scarcity of greenery around the visual boundaries of the window before me. Only once in a while did I see something that was once called a flower. I always wanted to know if it was an artificial one planted with the permission of the Council or if a real one was allowed to bloom. I began to forget these things. After watching things for almost four years now, I didn’t know the concept of time.
Time outside of the walls of this home was different from my internal ticking bomb of a flesh-covered body.
The memories I had were flying away like sheets of paper torn away chapter by chapter. After coming from so far, I didn’t know what was real anymore.
Brief as it was, as a child, I touched the little grass and petals left in the world. That was true beauty in the world. It contrasted with the multitude of electricity and wires which, at times, seemed to pump life into the inhabitants of this land.
I always wanted to feel what rain felt like.
He left a bucket next to me. It was the rain from the outside. I don’t know how he did it, but he convinced the Council that it was all right to bring it into our home.
I had touched its deceiving clear surface with my fingertips. I had smelled its unusual salty scent with my nose. He told me I couldn’t put my whole hand in it. There may have been too much acid. Due to the development of technology over the centuries, there was a kind of poison inside the once pure water of the sky.
“Then why did you bring it to me?” I asked while looking up at him. I was kneeling on the floor with the yellow blanket before me.
He gazed at me softly through his sunglasses. “Because I wanted you to know what it was.”
I closed my eyes as I pushed it gently so that it would tip to one side. Next, I opened my eyes to watch his reaction.
The water spread in ripples and small rivers like fingers wanting to grope at anything before them.
“You bring me things from the Outside, but you don’t tell me stories about what they are.” My eyes looked up at the ceiling.
My heart was beating so fast as I felt his eyes continue to wander over me, trying to understand and figure out what to do.
I don’t know what to do, but I want an answer that neither of us can figure out.
Then, I pointed my head downwards. I held onto my white clothing. It looked exactly like the clothes I used to wear when I was in the Lab. It was slowly absorbing the tears which had fallen quickly from the sky.
Quietly, I said, “I don’t want to be here anymore.”
And it hurt more that he couldn’t touch me or else we would both die in that instant. Clovers couldn’t love.
Pushing that aside, A was still alive.
The person I treasured most in the world came down to his knees. He took off his gloves and tossed them to one side. Avoiding my eyes, he took off his red jacket and began to wipe the water which wanted to ruin everything in its chaotic path. When he was finished, he took the hem of my long shirt and began to press his jacket onto it. He rubbed it with both of his hands.
Staining my white shirt, it began to dry in between his hands.
When he was done, I shakily reached out to take his sunglasses with both of my hands. He turned his face away suddenly.
We can never come close to one another, can we?
As he got up, I saw a stream that began to form. With that, in a hushed rumble, he left.
The bucket was still near my bare feet with my jeans still a little damp at the hem. My pink and white shirt was crumbled at my feet.
I am afraid to die. But I will go insane if I stay here anymore.
I know you know this. That’s why you’ve stepped out.
After all, even though we have remarkable powers, our emotions are just as powerful, raw, and destructive.
I am human. I am a Clover.
Torn between both extremes, I am ripping apart in my blood and skin-filled seams.
I pushed myself away from the window and regarded my reflection as the water attached in rivers of falling tears down the window all over my glass face.
But more than anything, I am scared to say goodbye to you.
You taught me the colors through books. You taught me songs with your imperfect, yet gentle and deep voice. You taught me how to feel through the frigidness of the circumstances of our living conditions.
You taught me to live through this suffocating greenhouse. Through it all, I was able to live in this adversity.
My heart began to stir and ache. I turned around from my crying glass face and walked towards the front door.
I am free. Dokidoki…tap-tap...dokidoki...
You freed me, Gingetsu-san.
I glanced at our rooms as I stood in the middle of the room. I nodded solemnly.
Again, I started to slowly walk towards the door leading to the Outside.
Don’t come A. You’ll be too late. Until the end, I will be free.
You understand me the best, Gingetsu-san. Please…
I reached out towards the door with my left hand.
I will repay you back, my love. I want you to live…
I touched the knob of the door.
Beyond the virtual images of our imitation city made of computers, I want to become real once more.
Not in my head. I want to feel my flesh again instead of the numbness overtaking my heart by fear.
I turned the knob and opened the door.
SHHWEET. The Council’s sniper hit me faster than I could blink. It felt like a needle piercing through my bones.
Yet, this person was merciful if I could still live these few seconds...
My eyes blinked in slow motion as if in a movie, taking your shocked figure which ran towards me frame by excruciating frame. You threw your glasses away and dived to catch me before I hit the stones below my feet.
I only took one step outside of our home as you held me in your arms.
We are covered in blood and rainwater draining into the Earth.
I looked at you and smiled. “Thank you.”
You looked at me and finally cried. I was happy that you could express your repressed emotions to show that you were living.
“No,” you protested silently with your eyes piercing into mine.
“I couldn’t stand you not touching me,” I told you as I began to cry.
Then, I looked away sleepily while watching A standing behind him in anger. His hands strangled his own neck and he disappeared all over again.
I focused back on you. I grinned wider.
“Don’t leave me,” you whispered into my ear.
I closed my eyes...
…and finally felt his lips on mine.
But his body jerked as I tasted his blood in my mouth while leaving consciousness.
We’ll be together in the next lifetime.
I will believe in the words you told me before I lost my sense of time,
“Every dream must come to an end,
but another begins.”
I melted into your warm arms,
no longer painted in this
imitation life.
Being able to be touched by you again
with my splattered blood before you,
I became real
once more.
Owari. / The End.
--
Author’s note: This fic just suddenly came to mind. It’s strange, but I’ve always loved Lan. And I felt that if he was going to do anything, he’d take it into his own hands just like in the beginning of the story. For me, he was always courageous that way.
Monday, January 17, 2005
12:32:14 AM
Title: imitation life
Pairing: Gingetsu + Lan
Rating: PG
Description: Lan is running out of time, but can he say goodbye to Gingetsu?
Disclaimer - Clover is by Clamp.
imitation life
By miyamoto yui
While looking at the marauding pile of wires intersecting above my head and beyond this window belonging to that of the “outside”, I began to forget where everything went. Too many things were processing in my head, but I couldn’t comprehend the immense amount of capacity which passed through me.
At this, my body twitched.
My bony fingers pushed upon the glass as I pasted my cheek onto it. While my warmth was being sucked away by the cold window, I pressed myself against it , my tired eyes were fascinated with the drops of clear color which seemed to paint the Earth with its gloominess, as if making everyone colorblind with its ever-spreading grayness.
I was shivering as the coldness penetrated into my body like an unwanted lover’s passage. And yet, I continued to stand there half-naked, wanting to feel the invasion of iciness that filled the air.
He was gone right now. If not, I would have been scolded by now for subjecting myself to such idiocy with the silence in between his lips.
My eyes then loomed over the scarcity of greenery around the visual boundaries of the window before me. Only once in a while did I see something that was once called a flower. I always wanted to know if it was an artificial one planted with the permission of the Council or if a real one was allowed to bloom. I began to forget these things. After watching things for almost four years now, I didn’t know the concept of time.
Time outside of the walls of this home was different from my internal ticking bomb of a flesh-covered body.
The memories I had were flying away like sheets of paper torn away chapter by chapter. After coming from so far, I didn’t know what was real anymore.
Brief as it was, as a child, I touched the little grass and petals left in the world. That was true beauty in the world. It contrasted with the multitude of electricity and wires which, at times, seemed to pump life into the inhabitants of this land.
I always wanted to feel what rain felt like.
He left a bucket next to me. It was the rain from the outside. I don’t know how he did it, but he convinced the Council that it was all right to bring it into our home.
I had touched its deceiving clear surface with my fingertips. I had smelled its unusual salty scent with my nose. He told me I couldn’t put my whole hand in it. There may have been too much acid. Due to the development of technology over the centuries, there was a kind of poison inside the once pure water of the sky.
“Then why did you bring it to me?” I asked while looking up at him. I was kneeling on the floor with the yellow blanket before me.
He gazed at me softly through his sunglasses. “Because I wanted you to know what it was.”
I closed my eyes as I pushed it gently so that it would tip to one side. Next, I opened my eyes to watch his reaction.
The water spread in ripples and small rivers like fingers wanting to grope at anything before them.
“You bring me things from the Outside, but you don’t tell me stories about what they are.” My eyes looked up at the ceiling.
My heart was beating so fast as I felt his eyes continue to wander over me, trying to understand and figure out what to do.
I don’t know what to do, but I want an answer that neither of us can figure out.
Then, I pointed my head downwards. I held onto my white clothing. It looked exactly like the clothes I used to wear when I was in the Lab. It was slowly absorbing the tears which had fallen quickly from the sky.
Quietly, I said, “I don’t want to be here anymore.”
And it hurt more that he couldn’t touch me or else we would both die in that instant. Clovers couldn’t love.
Pushing that aside, A was still alive.
The person I treasured most in the world came down to his knees. He took off his gloves and tossed them to one side. Avoiding my eyes, he took off his red jacket and began to wipe the water which wanted to ruin everything in its chaotic path. When he was finished, he took the hem of my long shirt and began to press his jacket onto it. He rubbed it with both of his hands.
Staining my white shirt, it began to dry in between his hands.
When he was done, I shakily reached out to take his sunglasses with both of my hands. He turned his face away suddenly.
We can never come close to one another, can we?
As he got up, I saw a stream that began to form. With that, in a hushed rumble, he left.
The bucket was still near my bare feet with my jeans still a little damp at the hem. My pink and white shirt was crumbled at my feet.
I am afraid to die. But I will go insane if I stay here anymore.
I know you know this. That’s why you’ve stepped out.
After all, even though we have remarkable powers, our emotions are just as powerful, raw, and destructive.
I am human. I am a Clover.
Torn between both extremes, I am ripping apart in my blood and skin-filled seams.
I pushed myself away from the window and regarded my reflection as the water attached in rivers of falling tears down the window all over my glass face.
But more than anything, I am scared to say goodbye to you.
You taught me the colors through books. You taught me songs with your imperfect, yet gentle and deep voice. You taught me how to feel through the frigidness of the circumstances of our living conditions.
You taught me to live through this suffocating greenhouse. Through it all, I was able to live in this adversity.
My heart began to stir and ache. I turned around from my crying glass face and walked towards the front door.
I am free. Dokidoki…tap-tap...dokidoki...
You freed me, Gingetsu-san.
I glanced at our rooms as I stood in the middle of the room. I nodded solemnly.
Again, I started to slowly walk towards the door leading to the Outside.
Don’t come A. You’ll be too late. Until the end, I will be free.
You understand me the best, Gingetsu-san. Please…
I reached out towards the door with my left hand.
I will repay you back, my love. I want you to live…
I touched the knob of the door.
Beyond the virtual images of our imitation city made of computers, I want to become real once more.
Not in my head. I want to feel my flesh again instead of the numbness overtaking my heart by fear.
I turned the knob and opened the door.
SHHWEET. The Council’s sniper hit me faster than I could blink. It felt like a needle piercing through my bones.
Yet, this person was merciful if I could still live these few seconds...
My eyes blinked in slow motion as if in a movie, taking your shocked figure which ran towards me frame by excruciating frame. You threw your glasses away and dived to catch me before I hit the stones below my feet.
I only took one step outside of our home as you held me in your arms.
We are covered in blood and rainwater draining into the Earth.
I looked at you and smiled. “Thank you.”
You looked at me and finally cried. I was happy that you could express your repressed emotions to show that you were living.
“No,” you protested silently with your eyes piercing into mine.
“I couldn’t stand you not touching me,” I told you as I began to cry.
Then, I looked away sleepily while watching A standing behind him in anger. His hands strangled his own neck and he disappeared all over again.
I focused back on you. I grinned wider.
“Don’t leave me,” you whispered into my ear.
I closed my eyes...
…and finally felt his lips on mine.
But his body jerked as I tasted his blood in my mouth while leaving consciousness.
We’ll be together in the next lifetime.
I will believe in the words you told me before I lost my sense of time,
“Every dream must come to an end,
but another begins.”
I melted into your warm arms,
no longer painted in this
imitation life.
Being able to be touched by you again
with my splattered blood before you,
I became real
once more.
Owari. / The End.
--
Author’s note: This fic just suddenly came to mind. It’s strange, but I’ve always loved Lan. And I felt that if he was going to do anything, he’d take it into his own hands just like in the beginning of the story. For me, he was always courageous that way.
Monday, January 17, 2005
12:32:14 AM
